|
|
Post by soccermama on Jun 2, 2020 13:34:20 GMT -5
I've watched from the sidelines for many years now as different coaches have exhibited behaviors that border emotional abuse of the very athletes that they are in charge of guiding, motivating and mentoring. In specific cases, I've heard coaches drop the F bomb and tell players they are F-ing dumb, F-ing lazy and a poor excuse of a player. That particular game was a group of girls aged 10-11 years old- U12 soccer. Other times I've heard and observed a coach humiliate a 9 year old girl who could not grasp the concept of a certain technical drill. The coach ( instead of helping or showing the skill over again ) singled out the kid from the group and simply said " This is why this girl will never play on a top team, she sucks". I've observed another coach make fun of and demean a thirteen year old girl and tell other parents " That kid sucks" all while laughing about the words coming out of his mouth. These are only a few examples of the many that I have witnessed over the years of being a soccer parent. It seems as if parents are willing to tolerate this kind of behavior in order for their kids to play on a certain team or with a certain club. I asked one parent why they would continue with a certain coach knowing he will not stop that type of behavior and the answer they gave was simply " Well, I guess it builds mental toughness"
Now don't get me wrong, I want my kids to be tough and be able to handle difficult situations that they come across in life and sports is one of the vehicles that can teach strong life lessons such as perseverance, determination, focus and responsibility. Those lessons can be taught by a coach without verbally abusing humiliating, demeaning or belittling players. What I have witnessed from some of these "coaches" is plain and simple abuse that does not resemble coaching at all. Is it really about mental toughness or are we willing to be bystanders of the abuse because it's believed that in the end it will bring success.
|
|
|
|
Post by TheMadOx on Jun 2, 2020 14:10:34 GMT -5
This type of behavior has no place in youth sports. Period.
|
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 14:22:59 GMT -5
There's a huge gulf between 'tough' and 'mean'.
There's plenty of great coaches who are tough.. they expect a lot and will absolutely get on the kids to push them. But it doesn't cross into 'mean'. There are never personal attacks, nothing to demean them. Also, when they get it - they let them know.
I'm not only OK with this kind of coaching, but it really works for my kids.. they respond well to this kind of coaching.
Now, if someone was saying 'this kid sucks' to other parents about my kid? yeah, the DOC is getting a call.
|
|
|
|
Post by BubbleDad on Jun 2, 2020 14:31:00 GMT -5
In my experience ... calling the DOC can be pointless. Your child has to be AMAZING before they even blink an eye.
|
|
|
|
Post by baller84 on Jun 2, 2020 14:37:08 GMT -5
I've watched from the sidelines for many years now as different coaches have exhibited behaviors that border emotional abuse of the very athletes that they are in charge of guiding, motivating and mentoring. In specific cases, I've heard coaches drop the F bomb and tell players they are F-ing dumb, F-ing lazy and a poor excuse of a player. That particular game was a group of girls aged 1 0-11 years old- U12 soccer. Other times I've heard and observed a coach humiliate a 9 year old girl who could not grasp the concept of a certain technical drill. The coach ( instead of helping or showing the skill over again ) singled out the kid from the group and simply said " This is why this girl will never play on a top team, she sucks". I've observed another coach make fun of and demean a thirteen year old girl and tell other parents " That kid sucks" all while laughing about the words coming out of his mouth. These are only a few examples of the many that I have witnessed over the years of being a soccer parent. It seems as if parents are willing to tolerate this kind of behavior in order for their kids to play on a certain team or with a certain club. I asked one parent why they would continue with a certain coach knowing he will not stop that type of behavior and the answer they gave was simply " Well, I guess it builds mental toughness" Now don't get me wrong, I want my kids to be tough and be able to handle difficult situations that they come across in life and sports is one of the vehicles that can teach strong life lessons such as perseverance, determination, focus and responsibility. Those lessons can be taught by a coach without verbally abusing humiliating, demeaning or belittling players. What I have witnessed from some of these "coaches" is plain and simple abuse that does not resemble coaching at all. Is it really about mental toughness or are we willing to be bystanders of the abuse because it's believed that in the end it will bring success. Huge issue that will not be fixed anytime soon or under the current system. |
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 14:50:23 GMT -5
I've watched from the sidelines for many years now as different coaches have exhibited behaviors that border emotional abuse of the very athletes that they are in charge of guiding, motivating and mentoring. In specific cases, I've heard coaches drop the F bomb and tell players they are F-ing dumb, F-ing lazy and a poor excuse of a player. That particular game was a group of girls aged 1 0-11 years old- U12 soccer. Other times I've heard and observed a coach humiliate a 9 year old girl who could not grasp the concept of a certain technical drill. The coach ( instead of helping or showing the skill over again ) singled out the kid from the group and simply said " This is why this girl will never play on a top team, she sucks". I've observed another coach make fun of and demean a thirteen year old girl and tell other parents " That kid sucks" all while laughing about the words coming out of his mouth. These are only a few examples of the many that I have witnessed over the years of being a soccer parent. It seems as if parents are willing to tolerate this kind of behavior in order for their kids to play on a certain team or with a certain club. I asked one parent why they would continue with a certain coach knowing he will not stop that type of behavior and the answer they gave was simply " Well, I guess it builds mental toughness" Now don't get me wrong, I want my kids to be tough and be able to handle difficult situations that they come across in life and sports is one of the vehicles that can teach strong life lessons such as perseverance, determination, focus and responsibility. Those lessons can be taught by a coach without verbally abusing humiliating, demeaning or belittling players. What I have witnessed from some of these "coaches" is plain and simple abuse that does not resemble coaching at all. Is it really about mental toughness or are we willing to be bystanders of the abuse because it's believed that in the end it will bring success. Huge issue that will not be fixed anytime soon or under the current system. Not sure the 'current system' has much to do with it. It's certainly not unique to soccer. |
|
|
|
Post by mightydawg on Jun 2, 2020 15:16:34 GMT -5
The end of this article summarizes pretty well how parents should allow coaches to coach their kids: breakingmuscle.com/fitness/parents-get-out-of-the-way-and-let-the-coaches-coachLet your kids fail. Let them experience losing. I can tell you as a coach who works with college kids, we have created a community of people who don’t know how to deal with losing. Our need to pounce and protect has created a culture of ill-equipped adults. What’s the scariest is since they haven’t “lost” in youth sports, they have no emotional relationship with it once they get to me. They are like lobotomized robots, and it’s not a good thing. Short of a coach getting physical with your child or calling them a fudgeing idiot to their face in front of others, let the coach yell. Allow them rattle your kids by coaching their faces off. Let them be demanding with your kids. Athletics build leaders. Leaders aren’t built with hugs and kisses. They’re forged in hard times, during conditioning sessions where they would rather be dead than run one more step, when the clock is ticking and we have to score or all is for nothing. Let them be coached hard. Never, ever, call, text or email a coach with anything that isn’t dire. Don’t contact them to talk about playing time, your kid’s feelings, or your ideas on what they should do. I promise you, you do more harm to your child than good. The vast majority of coaches are very protective of their methods, so when you impose your ideas on them, they likely will take it out on your kid, even if they aren’t doing it consciously. One of the most important things you can do for your child in the pursuit of developing a responsible adult is to back their coaches as they play. Taking your kid’s side on everything does nothing for them but keep them immature. Back the coach. Never badmouth the coach in front of your kids. Let the coach be the authority figure, and do your part in enforcing their rules for the team as acceptable and something to support. That level of backing will pay off for the kid later in life. When you are in the stands, you are a cheerleader. That’s it. Don’t yell at the coaches, the refs, and especially the other kids. You make your child look bad, and yourself look ridiculous. If you don’t have any experience in the sport your child is playing, don’t try and coach them on the sport. Instead, coach them on sportsmanship, hustle, being aggressive, and being a great teammate. I know nothing about baseball, but have been an assistant coach for my son’s baseball team for five seasons now. I am the hustle coach. They know with me, I’m going to make them run off the field, give their best effort, clean the dugout after games, and demand they make eye contact when our head coach is talking. I don’t need to be a baseball coach to provide value to the team. Neither do you. |
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 2, 2020 15:23:15 GMT -5
This type of behavior has no place in youth sports. Period. This behavior has no place in the world! I wish I could say this is just a youth sports issue. It isn't. I am aware of situations where teachers have said this to students. Dance instructors have said it to dancers. Doctors have said this type of thing to patients and staff. And on and on and on. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes. Everyone has moments where they feel someone is stupid or lazy or just plain sucks at whatever it is you want them to do. If you say something like this to someone, apologize. I will tell you that one of my kids had a coach tell them they were playing like crap and ask what was the matter. Was the player sick or hurt or something. Some might have take that as being cruel, my kid did not. When this same coach said something to my kid another day and my kid was crying, the coach called my kid over later and apologized and explained why that coach was being so tough. The coach is not a coach that everyone can tolerate, but I did not think (and neither did my player) that the comments were abusive because of the discussions had between the player and coach at other times and the way they interacted. I do not think there is always a very black and white way to look at things, but if you step over a line then recognize it and do the decent thing. I do think there is a difference between telling a player they suck and telling them that they had a sucky game. Am I the only one? |
|
|
|
Post by baller84 on Jun 2, 2020 15:32:23 GMT -5
Huge issue that will not be fixed anytime soon or under the current system. Not sure the 'current system' has much to do with it. It's certainly not unique to soccer. Of course it is not unique to soccer. It's coaches under pressure who don't know or care to know how to interact with children. |
|
|
|
Post by soccermama on Jun 2, 2020 15:46:33 GMT -5
The end of this article summarizes pretty well how parents should allow coaches to coach their kids: breakingmuscle.com/fitness/parents-get-out-of-the-way-and-let-the-coaches-coachLet your kids fail. Let them experience losing. I can tell you as a coach who works with college kids, we have created a community of people who don’t know how to deal with losing. Our need to pounce and protect has created a culture of ill-equipped adults. What’s the scariest is since they haven’t “lost” in youth sports, they have no emotional relationship with it once they get to me. They are like lobotomized robots, and it’s not a good thing. Short of a coach getting physical with your child or calling them a fudgeing idiot to their face in front of others, let the coach yell. Allow them rattle your kids by coaching their faces off. Let them be demanding with your kids. Athletics build leaders. Leaders aren’t built with hugs and kisses. They’re forged in hard times, during conditioning sessions where they would rather be dead than run one more step, when the clock is ticking and we have to score or all is for nothing. Let them be coached hard. Never, ever, call, text or email a coach with anything that isn’t dire. Don’t contact them to talk about playing time, your kid’s feelings, or your ideas on what they should do. I promise you, you do more harm to your child than good. The vast majority of coaches are very protective of their methods, so when you impose your ideas on them, they likely will take it out on your kid, even if they aren’t doing it consciously. One of the most important things you can do for your child in the pursuit of developing a responsible adult is to back their coaches as they play. Taking your kid’s side on everything does nothing for them but keep them immature. Back the coach. Never badmouth the coach in front of your kids. Let the coach be the authority figure, and do your part in enforcing their rules for the team as acceptable and something to support. That level of backing will pay off for the kid later in life. When you are in the stands, you are a cheerleader. That’s it. Don’t yell at the coaches, the refs, and especially the other kids. You make your child look bad, and yourself look ridiculous. If you don’t have any experience in the sport your child is playing, don’t try and coach them on the sport. Instead, coach them on sportsmanship, hustle, being aggressive, and being a great teammate. I know nothing about baseball, but have been an assistant coach for my son’s baseball team for five seasons now. I am the hustle coach. They know with me, I’m going to make them run off the field, give their best effort, clean the dugout after games, and demand they make eye contact when our head coach is talking. I don’t need to be a baseball coach to provide value to the team. Neither do you. ***There are a lot of parts about this article or these paragraphs that I agree with but I would still have to say that calling 9-14 years old F-ing losers and humilitialting them is not good coaching. Thats abuse. I know several D1 former athletes and I'm good frinends with a former pro soccer player and no one spoke to them like this when they were kids...NO ONE. There is a difference between pushing an ahtlete to bring out the best in them and then being a power hungry jerk. |
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 16:06:07 GMT -5
The end of this article summarizes pretty well how parents should allow coaches to coach their kids: breakingmuscle.com/fitness/parents-get-out-of-the-way-and-let-the-coaches-coachLet your kids fail. Let them experience losing. I can tell you as a coach who works with college kids, we have created a community of people who don’t know how to deal with losing. Our need to pounce and protect has created a culture of ill-equipped adults. What’s the scariest is since they haven’t “lost” in youth sports, they have no emotional relationship with it once they get to me. They are like lobotomized robots, and it’s not a good thing. Short of a coach getting physical with your child or calling them a fudgeing idiot to their face in front of others, let the coach yell. Allow them rattle your kids by coaching their faces off. Let them be demanding with your kids. Athletics build leaders. Leaders aren’t built with hugs and kisses. They’re forged in hard times, during conditioning sessions where they would rather be dead than run one more step, when the clock is ticking and we have to score or all is for nothing. Let them be coached hard. Never, ever, call, text or email a coach with anything that isn’t dire. Don’t contact them to talk about playing time, your kid’s feelings, or your ideas on what they should do. I promise you, you do more harm to your child than good. The vast majority of coaches are very protective of their methods, so when you impose your ideas on them, they likely will take it out on your kid, even if they aren’t doing it consciously. One of the most important things you can do for your child in the pursuit of developing a responsible adult is to back their coaches as they play. Taking your kid’s side on everything does nothing for them but keep them immature. Back the coach. Never badmouth the coach in front of your kids. Let the coach be the authority figure, and do your part in enforcing their rules for the team as acceptable and something to support. That level of backing will pay off for the kid later in life. When you are in the stands, you are a cheerleader. That’s it. Don’t yell at the coaches, the refs, and especially the other kids. You make your child look bad, and yourself look ridiculous. If you don’t have any experience in the sport your child is playing, don’t try and coach them on the sport. Instead, coach them on sportsmanship, hustle, being aggressive, and being a great teammate. I know nothing about baseball, but have been an assistant coach for my son’s baseball team for five seasons now. I am the hustle coach. They know with me, I’m going to make them run off the field, give their best effort, clean the dugout after games, and demand they make eye contact when our head coach is talking. I don’t need to be a baseball coach to provide value to the team. Neither do you.
I thought that article was a long-winded bizatch session by what I can only assume is a shizatty, arrogant coach.
For as much as that guy clearly thinks his shizat doesn't stink, I hope he's got a pile of championship hardware to show for it. The arrogance that oozed out of that rant (calling it an article is generous) was just obnoxious.
He may have had some nuggets of truth in there.. but seriously - if it wasn't written by someone named Belichick, Saban, or Jackson, they were just REALLY full of themselves.
|
|
|
|
Post by mightydawg on Jun 2, 2020 16:17:02 GMT -5
The end of this article summarizes pretty well how parents should allow coaches to coach their kids: breakingmuscle.com/fitness/parents-get-out-of-the-way-and-let-the-coaches-coachLet your kids fail. Let them experience losing. I can tell you as a coach who works with college kids, we have created a community of people who don’t know how to deal with losing. Our need to pounce and protect has created a culture of ill-equipped adults. What’s the scariest is since they haven’t “lost” in youth sports, they have no emotional relationship with it once they get to me. They are like lobotomized robots, and it’s not a good thing. Short of a coach getting physical with your child or calling them a fudgeing idiot to their face in front of others, let the coach yell. Allow them rattle your kids by coaching their faces off. Let them be demanding with your kids. Athletics build leaders. Leaders aren’t built with hugs and kisses. They’re forged in hard times, during conditioning sessions where they would rather be dead than run one more step, when the clock is ticking and we have to score or all is for nothing. Let them be coached hard. Never, ever, call, text or email a coach with anything that isn’t dire. Don’t contact them to talk about playing time, your kid’s feelings, or your ideas on what they should do. I promise you, you do more harm to your child than good. The vast majority of coaches are very protective of their methods, so when you impose your ideas on them, they likely will take it out on your kid, even if they aren’t doing it consciously. One of the most important things you can do for your child in the pursuit of developing a responsible adult is to back their coaches as they play. Taking your kid’s side on everything does nothing for them but keep them immature. Back the coach. Never badmouth the coach in front of your kids. Let the coach be the authority figure, and do your part in enforcing their rules for the team as acceptable and something to support. That level of backing will pay off for the kid later in life. When you are in the stands, you are a cheerleader. That’s it. Don’t yell at the coaches, the refs, and especially the other kids. You make your child look bad, and yourself look ridiculous. If you don’t have any experience in the sport your child is playing, don’t try and coach them on the sport. Instead, coach them on sportsmanship, hustle, being aggressive, and being a great teammate. I know nothing about baseball, but have been an assistant coach for my son’s baseball team for five seasons now. I am the hustle coach. They know with me, I’m going to make them run off the field, give their best effort, clean the dugout after games, and demand they make eye contact when our head coach is talking. I don’t need to be a baseball coach to provide value to the team. Neither do you.
I thought that article was a long-winded bizatch session by what I can only assume is a shizatty, arrogant coach.
For as much as that guy clearly thinks his shizat doesn't stink, I hope he's got a pile of championship hardware to show for it. The arrogance that oozed out of that rant (calling it an article is generous) was just obnoxious.
He may have had some nuggets of truth in there.. but seriously - if it wasn't written by someone named Belichick, Saban, or Jackson, they were just REALLY full of themselves.
Which part is it that you disagree with? 1. Let you kids experience losing
2. Let you kids be coached hard
3. Don't bug the coach
4. Support the coach's standards.
5. Encourage, don't coach or complain
6. Unless you have experience, only coach on what you want your kid to get out of sports. |
|
|
|
Post by soccerlegacy on Jun 2, 2020 16:20:27 GMT -5
This type of behavior has no place in youth sports. Period. This behavior has no place in the world! I wish I could say this is just a youth sports issue. It isn't. I am aware of situations where teachers have said this to students. Dance instructors have said it to dancers. Doctors have said this type of thing to patients and staff. And on and on and on. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes. Everyone has moments where they feel someone is stupid or lazy or just plain sucks at whatever it is you want them to do. If you say something like this to someone, apologize. I will tell you that one of my kids had a coach tell them they were playing like crap and ask what was the matter. Was the player sick or hurt or something. Some might have take that as being cruel, my kid did not. When this same coach said something to my kid another day and my kid was crying, the coach called my kid over later and apologized and explained why that coach was being so tough. The coach is not a coach that everyone can tolerate, but I did not think (and neither did my player) that the comments were abusive because of the discussions had between the player and coach at other times and the way they interacted. I do not think there is always a very black and white way to look at things, but if you step over a line then recognize it and do the decent thing. I do think there is a difference between telling a player they suck and telling them that they had a sucky game. Am I the only one? I don't know the full context of what you said, so I'm basing my thoughts I what you wrote... My problem with this tactic, is that it isn't instructional and therefore it doesn't better the player. What are they supposed to do when they hear that??? Not play like crap?? Oh, okay coach, I was going to continue playing like crap, but now that you told me not to, I will change my play??? Seriously? Why not tell him WHY he thinks he is playing like crap... If he follows it up with what he is seeing that is making the kids' game crappy, then I have some leniency to it (as long as they don't make it personal attacks). Especially if he balances it out with complements when he sees the good things the kid may do. It also helps if he does this with all of the kids and doesn't necessarily ride one particular kid. Kids are perceptive and pick up on coaches that play favorites... which will destroy a team internally, and a players' love of the game very quickly. |
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 16:26:19 GMT -5
I thought that article was a long-winded bizatch session by what I can only assume is a shizatty, arrogant coach.
For as much as that guy clearly thinks his shizat doesn't stink, I hope he's got a pile of championship hardware to show for it. The arrogance that oozed out of that rant (calling it an article is generous) was just obnoxious.
He may have had some nuggets of truth in there.. but seriously - if it wasn't written by someone named Belichick, Saban, or Jackson, they were just REALLY full of themselves.
Which part is it that you disagree with? 1. Let you kids experience losing
2. Let you kids be coached hard
3. Don't bug the coach
4. Support the coach's standards.
5. Encourage, don't coach or complain
6. Unless you have experience, only coach on what you want your kid to get out of sports.I disagree with the arrogance of 'I know everything and you know nothing'.. 'everything I think and do is correct and everything you do and say is wrong'.
Like I said, there were some nuggets of truth in there.. but good grief 'never speak to a coach'? Dude, we pay your salary.. and some of us actually DO know a lot. Also there are PLENTY of ways to speak to a coach respectfully and not be 'why isn't timmy playing more' - but he doesn't make that distinction.. he is simply above speaking to lowly parents.
Sorry - he comes across as a d*** with a god complex.
|
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 2, 2020 16:32:20 GMT -5
I thought that article was a long-winded bizatch session by what I can only assume is a shizatty, arrogant coach.
For as much as that guy clearly thinks his shizat doesn't stink, I hope he's got a pile of championship hardware to show for it. The arrogance that oozed out of that rant (calling it an article is generous) was just obnoxious.
He may have had some nuggets of truth in there.. but seriously - if it wasn't written by someone named Belichick, Saban, or Jackson, they were just REALLY full of themselves.
Which part is it that you disagree with? 1. Let you kids experience losing
2. Let you kids be coached hard
3. Don't bug the coach
4. Support the coach's standards.
5. Encourage, don't coach or complain
6. Unless you have experience, only coach on what you want your kid to get out of sports.The article was written with a bit of a whine to it and a "don't you dare question my methods." 1) absolutely let them lose (but frankly if you are playing Elite youth sports you are losing games). Even the best of the best youth soccer teams rarely go undefeated in one season let alone an entire kid's career so I don't know where he is finding these kids who have never lost. They aren't soccer players that is for sure 2) absolutely coach my kid hard. But the yelling better be on something productive and it can't be all of the time. Sounds like his wife might have some balance, but you have to encourage in addition to yell or you will beat them down. 3) don't bug the coach. Well that depends. He talks about coaches that have a recipe and experience that is more than a parent. This is not anywhere close to being true in a lot of cases. Many coaches are just mailing it in unfortunately. Secondly, MANY, MANY parents on the sidelines have actually played the sport their kid is playing and know a lot about the game. This also depends on what level of play you are speaking about. I am not going to bother my kid's coach about playing time at 14 or 15 but if my kid is 8 and spends an entire game on the bench (not for discipline reasons) I am going to have a conversation with the coach. That is not right. 4) support the coach's standards. Maybe. I have seen coaches be too soft on my players. I have seen them play favorites at really young ages and by that I mean ignore half of the team and not even train them. I have seen coaches give literally no direction to players at all. None. Hate to say it but a lot of coaches suck. Truly suck and should be fired. Not going to support their standards. I will support that they need to be respectful of the coach even if they don't like the coach. 5) Encourage. Yes. Don't coach. I try not to. Don't complain. I will be patient but I cannot guarantee that if you suck as I coach that I won't complain. 6) I agree that if you don't have experience then you should only coach hustle and focus. I think you oversimplified things. He does come across as an arrogant jerk who assumes that no one could know as much about a sport as the youth coach. This is simply not true. As a person who has coaches as well including trying to get little kids to not play with butterflies during practice I get his point but he assumes that most parents are clueless. I have found that most are not. |
|
|
|
Post by ultimatedad on Jun 2, 2020 16:38:41 GMT -5
If I heard a coach say that to my daughter I would literally beat him up in front of the entire team and parents and wait for the police to come.
|
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 2, 2020 16:41:22 GMT -5
This behavior has no place in the world! I wish I could say this is just a youth sports issue. It isn't. I am aware of situations where teachers have said this to students. Dance instructors have said it to dancers. Doctors have said this type of thing to patients and staff. And on and on and on. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes. Everyone has moments where they feel someone is stupid or lazy or just plain sucks at whatever it is you want them to do. If you say something like this to someone, apologize. I will tell you that one of my kids had a coach tell them they were playing like crap and ask what was the matter. Was the player sick or hurt or something. Some might have take that as being cruel, my kid did not. When this same coach said something to my kid another day and my kid was crying, the coach called my kid over later and apologized and explained why that coach was being so tough. The coach is not a coach that everyone can tolerate, but I did not think (and neither did my player) that the comments were abusive because of the discussions had between the player and coach at other times and the way they interacted. I do not think there is always a very black and white way to look at things, but if you step over a line then recognize it and do the decent thing. I do think there is a difference between telling a player they suck and telling them that they had a sucky game. Am I the only one? I don't know the full context of what you said, so I'm basing my thoughts I what you wrote... My problem with this tactic, is that it isn't instructional and therefore it doesn't better the player. What are they supposed to do when they hear that??? Not play like crap?? Oh, okay coach, I was going to continue playing like crap, but now that you told me not to, I will change my play??? Seriously? Why not tell him WHY he thinks he is playing like crap... If he follows it up with what he is seeing that is making the kids' game crappy, then I have some leniency to it (as long as they don't make it personal attacks). Especially if he balances it out with complements when he sees the good things the kid may do. It also helps if he does this with all of the kids and doesn't necessarily ride one particular kid. Kids are perceptive and pick up on coaches that play favorites... which will destroy a team internally, and a players' love of the game very quickly. This was a situation where it was clear what the issue was. Bad first touch. Bad passing. Turning the ball over. Totally not the usual play. Kid knew what the "crap" was referring to and was not insulted. Just needed the verbal head slap. Get your act together. In general this coach was very constructive and could also be complimentary. The day the kid was crying was not as much about what the coach said as that it was an important loss. The coach still made the effort to check on the kid to make sure it wasn't a demoralizing moment. That was my point. Even if you do say something in the heat of the moment that could have been too much, make sure that you acknowledge and if necessary apologize. Courtesy in interpersonal interactions can go a long way even if you were initially discourteous. |
|
|
|
Post by atlutd17 on Jun 2, 2020 16:49:51 GMT -5
Shouldn't the top clubs at least be staffed with professional expertise on such important matter? Don't tell me they can't afford it.
|
|
|
|
Post by allthingsoccer on Jun 2, 2020 17:07:41 GMT -5
I'm down for my son being coached up. He responds extremely well to hard coaches that push limits.
Now I am not for mental abuse or any form of bullying.
I have also seen/ heard some crazy things said. In a few cases the player quitting soccer completely.
You are right that when you do bring it up the chain to DOC it goes...no where. Maybe even labeled "that parent"
Would be nice to have some sort of review system like Amazon. A policed, legit system.
|
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 17:26:59 GMT -5
Would be nice to have some sort of review system like Amazon. A policed, legit system. I think that clubs NEED this. A lot seem to have no clue who the good and bad coaches are. |
|
|
|
Post by allthingsoccer on Jun 2, 2020 17:32:18 GMT -5
It would have to be independent system. Not associated to any club.
A legit ranking/ review system.
Hmm.
|
|
|
|
Post by atlutd17 on Jun 2, 2020 17:47:54 GMT -5
It would have to be independent system. Not associated to any club. A legit ranking/ review system. Hmm. On what criteria for the love of God? |
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 2, 2020 17:53:42 GMT -5
It would have to be independent system. Not associated to any club. A legit ranking/ review system. Hmm. On what criteria for the love of God? Communication with the players (i.e. feedback) Technical instruction Tactical instruction Engagement with the team Age appropriate behavior Ability to guide players on recruiting Organization (i.e. trip planning) I could go on |
|
|
|
Post by atlutd17 on Jun 2, 2020 18:21:37 GMT -5
Imagine if we had that sort of thing for school teachers and our education system.
|
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 2, 2020 18:34:18 GMT -5
Imagine if we had that sort of thing for school teachers and our education system. No question. One problem there is that you are kind of stuck if you don't like the school or teacher. Can't just switch schools (or quit) like you can for soccer. However your point is made. As I said above, it is not just soccer where people say abusive or harmful things to our kids. My brother got told that he shouldn't be in the highest reading level in school because he was bad at reading out loud. This was said in front of the entire class in 1st grade. |
|
|
|
Post by mistergrinch on Jun 2, 2020 18:57:40 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by footyfan on Jun 2, 2020 19:45:47 GMT -5
Any youth club that didn't straight up fire a coach like him and drive him out of town is not worth $1. His support of abusive, egomaniacal coaching is cringeworthy. Fear develops the frightened.
I'm so happy he is on the other side of the country from children I care about. Maybe someday some fed up U23 will knock he and his arrogant kettleball nonsense into row zed.
|
|
|
|
Post by soccerlegacy on Jun 2, 2020 20:00:41 GMT -5
I don't know the full context of what you said, so I'm basing my thoughts I what you wrote... My problem with this tactic, is that it isn't instructional and therefore it doesn't better the player. What are they supposed to do when they hear that??? Not play like crap?? Oh, okay coach, I was going to continue playing like crap, but now that you told me not to, I will change my play??? Seriously? Why not tell him WHY he thinks he is playing like crap... If he follows it up with what he is seeing that is making the kids' game crappy, then I have some leniency to it (as long as they don't make it personal attacks). Especially if he balances it out with complements when he sees the good things the kid may do. It also helps if he does this with all of the kids and doesn't necessarily ride one particular kid. Kids are perceptive and pick up on coaches that play favorites... which will destroy a team internally, and a players' love of the game very quickly. This was a situation where it was clear what the issue was. Bad first touch. Bad passing. Turning the ball over. Totally not the usual play. Kid knew what the "crap" was referring to and was not insulted. Just needed the verbal head slap. Get your act together. In general this coach was very constructive and could also be complimentary. The day the kid was crying was not as much about what the coach said as that it was an important loss. The coach still made the effort to check on the kid to make sure it wasn't a demoralizing moment. That was my point. Even if you do say something in the heat of the moment that could have been too much, make sure that you acknowledge and if necessary apologize. Courtesy in interpersonal interactions can go a long way even if you were initially discourteous. Ok, thanks for the full context. With the further detail you provided I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, if like you described, the coach follows back around with him. |
|
|
|
Post by bogan on Jun 2, 2020 20:10:37 GMT -5
After reading this article all I can say is
Don’t Question My AUTHOR-A-TAY!
Seriously-my cousin is a professor at SUNY Buffalo and writes provocative articles like this to get attention-now we know who this guy is and are discussing his article: “no publicly is bad publicity.”
|
|
|
|
Post by sailingaway on Jun 2, 2020 20:51:07 GMT -5
I've watched from the sidelines for many years now as different coaches have exhibited behaviors that border emotional abuse of the very athletes that they are in charge of guiding, motivating and mentoring. In specific cases, I've heard coaches drop the F bomb and tell players they are F-ing dumb, F-ing lazy and a poor excuse of a player. That particular game was a group of girls aged 1 0-11 years old- U12 soccer. Other times I've heard and observed a coach humiliate a 9 year old girl who could not grasp the concept of a certain technical drill. The coach ( instead of helping or showing the skill over again ) singled out the kid from the group and simply said " This is why this girl will never play on a top team, she sucks". I've observed another coach make fun of and demean a thirteen year old girl and tell other parents " That kid sucks" all while laughing about the words coming out of his mouth. These are only a few examples of the many that I have witnessed over the years of being a soccer parent. It seems as if parents are willing to tolerate this kind of behavior in order for their kids to play on a certain team or with a certain club. I asked one parent why they would continue with a certain coach knowing he will not stop that type of behavior and the answer they gave was simply " Well, I guess it builds mental toughness" Now don't get me wrong, I want my kids to be tough and be able to handle difficult situations that they come across in life and sports is one of the vehicles that can teach strong life lessons such as perseverance, determination, focus and responsibility. Those lessons can be taught by a coach without verbally abusing humiliating, demeaning or belittling players. What I have witnessed from some of these "coaches" is plain and simple abuse that does not resemble coaching at all. Is it really about mental toughness or are we willing to be bystanders of the abuse because it's believed that in the end it will bring success. ***I could not agree more. I've seen "this" coach be removed from a team based on parent complaints and THEN be given another team at the same club. It's not mental toughness, it's emotionally damaging. Favorites being played in scrimmages during practices while others sit for 20-30 minutes and watch. At a young age, it can take years to undo the damage and build a player's confidence back up after being subjected to that. Coaches can be tough and respect a player at the same time, it's not that hard. I will keep my kid with a coach for years regardless of the team level if they continue to advance their skills in a positive environment. |
|
