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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 10:21:27 GMT -5
I’ve got a kid that’s been playing since.. forever. He’s been playing travel/club ball most of that time and he told me he’s done. He’s not enjoying himself and feels like he’s going to a job he hates. He plays on a top team and is successful and doing well, gets plenty of time on the field and has a real brotherhood with most of his team so I don’t feel the current coach/team/games have anything to do with it. He has more obligations than he had ever had; school, football practice straight to soccer practice, new puppy, side work with his dad and I think he’s overwhelmed. If he was 7 and told me he wasn’t having fun, we’d be out and find something else but I’m at a loss here. This year is so very important as he’s senior and he potentially may miss a scouting opportunity (we’ve had a couple college invites directly related to scouts watching their games). Maybe I’ve drank too much of the koolaid. Dunno. What to do friends?
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Post by Soccerhouse on Aug 20, 2021 10:59:33 GMT -5
Kids got to be happy, that is the most important thing.
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Post by DunwoodySoccerDad on Aug 20, 2021 11:01:04 GMT -5
I’ve got a kid that’s been playing since.. forever. He’s been playing travel/club ball most of that time and he told me he’s done. He’s not enjoying himself and feels like he’s going to a job he hates. He plays on a top team and is successful and doing well, gets plenty of time on the field and has a real brotherhood with most of his team so I don’t feel the current coach/team/games have anything to do with it. He has more obligations than he had ever had; school, football practice straight to soccer practice, new puppy, side work with his dad and I think he’s overwhelmed. If he was 7 and told me he wasn’t having fun, we’d be out and find something else but I’m at a loss here. This year is so very important as he’s senior and he potentially may miss a scouting opportunity (we’ve had a couple college invites directly related to scouts watching their games). Maybe I’ve drank too much of the koolaid. Dunno. What to do friends? If he's saying he's "done" now, I would say it will only get worse for him if he were to play in college. One thing I've heard consistently about playing a sport in college is that, no matter the level of the school/team, you better be 100% serious and fully committed to the sport. It can be a helluva lot of work for little to no glory. So from that aspect, I wouldn't worry about him missing any scouting opportunities if I were in your shoes. Because college soccer may not be right for him if he feels this way now playing club. JMHO. |
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Post by atv on Aug 20, 2021 11:09:00 GMT -5
Take a long break. Have him reevaluate his goals. If after a long break and some introspective if he still wants to quit then let him quit but let him make the decision.
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Post by rifle on Aug 20, 2021 11:10:06 GMT -5
Tell him thanks it was great while it lasted.
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Post by atv on Aug 20, 2021 11:16:07 GMT -5
I think burnout hits the multi sport athletes the hardest. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Kids that are really good athletes that play 2 or more sports including basketball, football etc, not just soccer are more susceptible to burnout. Almost impossible to do now.
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Post by 0507coop23dad on Aug 20, 2021 11:21:19 GMT -5
A senior with colleges interested in him and he’s playing football? Wow - I don’t think my kid could do that even if he was interested in doing that.
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:31:02 GMT -5
Kids got to be happy, that is the most important thing. Absolutely. I want that for him. Thank you! |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:32:33 GMT -5
I’ve got a kid that’s been playing since.. forever. He’s been playing travel/club ball most of that time and he told me he’s done. He’s not enjoying himself and feels like he’s going to a job he hates. He plays on a top team and is successful and doing well, gets plenty of time on the field and has a real brotherhood with most of his team so I don’t feel the current coach/team/games have anything to do with it. He has more obligations than he had ever had; school, football practice straight to soccer practice, new puppy, side work with his dad and I think he’s overwhelmed. If he was 7 and told me he wasn’t having fun, we’d be out and find something else but I’m at a loss here. This year is so very important as he’s senior and he potentially may miss a scouting opportunity (we’ve had a couple college invites directly related to scouts watching their games). Maybe I’ve drank too much of the koolaid. Dunno. What to do friends? If he's saying he's "done" now, I would say it will only get worse for him if he were to play in college. One thing I've heard consistently about playing a sport in college is that, no matter the level of the school/team, you better be 100% serious and fully committed to the sport. It can be a helluva lot of work for little to no glory. So from that aspect, I wouldn't worry about him missing any scouting opportunities if I were in your shoes. Because college soccer may not be right for him if he feels this way now playing club. JMHO. . I appreciate your perspective and hadn’t thought about it in those terms. Food for thought. Thank you! |
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Post by oraclesfriend on Aug 20, 2021 11:32:47 GMT -5
Take a long break. Have him reevaluate his goals. If after a long break and some introspective if he still wants to quit then let him quit but let him make the decision. I agree with this statement. It is so hard on these kids especially with school and multiple sports. If after a break he still says he is out then support him. One thing is will he finish out the season or is he planning to quit on the team now? |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:35:15 GMT -5
I think burnout hits the multi sport athletes the hardest. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Kids that are really good athletes that play 2 or more sports including basketball, football etc, not just soccer are more susceptible to burnout. Almost impossible to do now. It’s damn near impossible which is so unfortunate as I always considered multi sports to be beneficial and bring crossover skills. This is his 2nd year playing 2 sports in the same season and it’s obviously taking a toll on him. |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:37:26 GMT -5
Take a long break. Have him reevaluate his goals. If after a long break and some introspective if he still wants to quit then let him quit but let him make the decision. Agreed. I think we’re going to ask the coach if we can sit out for a bit or take a break from travel and just play local games. I’m still trying to figure that out. |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:40:39 GMT -5
A senior with colleges interested in him and he’s playing football? Wow - I don’t think my kid could do that even if he was interested in doing that. As in you wouldn’t allow him to play or..? He’s a kicker/punter otherwise I wouldn’t let him any nearer the field than the stands if that’s where you’re going with that. I take that back, I would let him cheer 😛 |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 11:48:33 GMT -5
Take a long break. Have him reevaluate his goals. If after a long break and some introspective if he still wants to quit then let him quit but let him make the decision. I agree with this statement. It is so hard on these kids especially with school and multiple sports. If after a break he still says he is out then support him. One thing is will he finish out the season or is he planning to quit on the team now? I will support him for sure. He has games this weekend that he will play in and have bowed out the following weekend due to family obligations so we’ll reevaluate over the next two weeks. I have always preached that we finish what we start but this has a different feeling to it which I’m struggling with and possibly he is too. The team has a couple of players that can take his spot so we won’t be leaving them totally hanging either way. Thanks! |
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Post by 0507coop23dad on Aug 20, 2021 11:53:46 GMT -5
A senior with colleges interested in him and he’s playing football? Wow - I don’t think my kid could do that even if he was interested in doing that. As in you wouldn’t allow him to play or..? He’s a kicker/punter otherwise I wouldn’t let him any nearer the field than the stands if that’s where you’re going with that. I take that back, I would let him cheer 😛 Ha! No, I’d love him to play - he would be a TE if this was 1980. But he loves soccer so there you go. |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 12:02:49 GMT -5
As in you wouldn’t allow him to play or..? He’s a kicker/punter otherwise I wouldn’t let him any nearer the field than the stands if that’s where you’re going with that. I take that back, I would let him cheer 😛 Ha! No, I’d love him to play - he would be a TE if this was 1980. But he loves soccer so there you go. Haha!! Ok I Gotcha 😃 After all the years of soccer, football has been quite a learning curve for me. The absolute LOVE those kids and coaches have for each other is amazing and was such a nice surprise. |
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Post by rifle on Aug 20, 2021 16:44:07 GMT -5
I wish your kid a great football season. Good kickers are highly valued.
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 16:49:23 GMT -5
Tell him thanks it was great while it lasted. I surely will! We spent so many many hours on the road, getting up early, getting home late, smelling stinky cleats and gloves, staying in sketchy motels, etc.. but we did make some GREAT memories. However this goes down, I don’t regret a minute of it. |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 20, 2021 16:54:07 GMT -5
I wish your kid a great football season. Good kickers are highly valued. Thank you! It’s another oddball position, like goalie. Go figure. They don’t do a whole lot but they had better do well when they need to haha Personally I’d crack under the pressure. |
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Post by rifle on Aug 21, 2021 5:47:07 GMT -5
Tell him thanks it was great while it lasted. I surely will! We spent so many many hours on the road, getting up early, getting home late, smelling stinky cleats and gloves, staying in sketchy motels, etc.. but we did make some GREAT memories. However this goes down, I don’t regret a minute of it. This is what it’s all about! Don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened. |
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Post by oraclesfriend on Aug 21, 2021 8:31:12 GMT -5
I surely will! We spent so many many hours on the road, getting up early, getting home late, smelling stinky cleats and gloves, staying in sketchy motels, etc.. but we did make some GREAT memories. However this goes down, I don’t regret a minute of it. This is what it’s all about! Don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened. I know I will be sad it is over when each of my kids finish whether due to graduation or another reason. I love watching them play. I know a lady whose child competed in club soccer several years ago. She told me she still missed it 3 or 4 years after her kid graduated. But you can be sad it is over yet appreciate that you got to be there for it. |
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Post by footyfan on Aug 21, 2021 9:04:15 GMT -5
I was a dual sport athlete and in my Jr year quit the one (basketball) my dad coached and played in college. Until that point I was all about bball, but something just switched off for me. I can only imagine now how hard it was for my dad then, but he never let me know. I played rec hoops my Sr year and had a blast with my friends. My dad came out to watch a few and, I'd like to think, just loved seeing me happy playing the sport he loved.
Coaching and watching my kids play soccer is a joy for me, but as others said, it's got to be a joy for them. I hope the soccer friendships, comraderie and experiences you and your child had can be enough to ease the pain if your child moves on from high-level competition.
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Post by soccerparent02 on Aug 21, 2021 9:54:10 GMT -5
While our kid did not specifically phrase it this way, they experienced the same as yours did. They had 20 plus offers from colleges including a full academic ride to a D1 college. Ultimately they decided to attend a top public university. Due to Covid, rec or intramural soccer at college this past year plus was not an option. A year plus out, they are now missing competitive soccer and will play on their competitive college's club team that travels. The important part of the post, is the kid made the decision and we only provided input when asked.
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Post by 3clubsoccermom on Aug 21, 2021 10:06:21 GMT -5
I’ve got a kid that’s been playing since.. forever. He’s been playing travel/club ball most of that time and he told me he’s done. He’s not enjoying himself and feels like he’s going to a job he hates. He plays on a top team and is successful and doing well, gets plenty of time on the field and has a real brotherhood with most of his team so I don’t feel the current coach/team/games have anything to do with it. He has more obligations than he had ever had; school, football practice straight to soccer practice, new puppy, side work with his dad and I think he’s overwhelmed. If he was 7 and told me he wasn’t having fun, we’d be out and find something else but I’m at a loss here. This year is so very important as he’s senior and he potentially may miss a scouting opportunity (we’ve had a couple college invites directly related to scouts watching their games). Maybe I’ve drank too much of the koolaid. Dunno. What to do friends? I agree with all of the comments and suggest above. It is so important to listen to our children. Mental health distress is up significantly due to COVID and these kids were already under significant pressure. I just finished reading “What made Maddie Run” and her story (and suicide) made me realize it is imperative that we truly listen if our kids say they are unhappy with their sport(s). Hope a break will do him good and that he will regain his joy regardless of that means he is on the pitch again or not. Good luck. |
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 21, 2021 20:51:01 GMT -5
Well folks I have an unexpected update for y’all.
As planned we were going to take a little break and reevaluate but the doodoo hit the fan at our very first league game today. My kid missed practice last night due to having a football game and was benched for the entire game today which has NEVER happened in all of his 13 years of playing. I think that took the little bit of love he had left in his soccer player heart and crushed it. He’ll not ever be able to attend every practice while he plays football thus will be benched on the weekends so he was basically forced to prioritize and he has chosen football. I’m sad at this startling end of an era but he’s taking it like a champ and I’m proud of him either way. He’ll still play school soccer in the spring so we do have that 😊
Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses. I appreciate each and every one of you!
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Post by Keeper on Aug 22, 2021 18:31:49 GMT -5
That sucks and I’m sure it was handled badly by the coach since it came as a surprise. Though if this is a top level type team, I would bench my players for missing practice as well. Especially if they’re healthy and choosing something else over their team.
Team rules like that are given up front though so players know they’re sitting a half or game if they miss practice without making it up.
Adults making things even more difficult. 👎🏻
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 22, 2021 19:10:56 GMT -5
That sucks and I’m sure it was handled badly by the coach since it came as a surprise. Though if this is a top level type team, I would bench my players for missing practice as well. Especially if they’re healthy and choosing something else over their team. Team rules like that are given up front though so players know they’re sitting a half or game if they miss practice without making it up. Adults making things even more difficult. 👎🏻 You’re correct. It was very much a surprise and unfortunately the coach did not handle it well. Both during the game and afterwards when my kid asked him about it. I will say that the players were told that they must go to practice (repercussions were not discussed) but until this year that policy was never enforced. I’m not upset about that particular part of the situation and I understand why those policies exist. Rules are rules and I totally get that and so does my son. Knowing that he couldn’t make all the practices, he had to make a decision and that was what he did. Lesson learned. Thanks! |
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Post by mistergrinch on Aug 23, 2021 10:23:59 GMT -5
One slightly different view that I'll offer here. A LOT of kids have been under unusual stress this past year. The pandemic messed with a lot of heads. Is this really burnout? Is it only burnout because of outside factors? Hard to know.. but the question is - at this point, if he stops and misses the opportunities to keep playing will he regret it? Again - hard to know, but worth considering. It's not like you get that opportunity twice.
My point is - if this is just due to additional stress .. what happens when that goes away? It may be 'Gee, it was all this other stuff and not really soccer.. I really miss soccer - oops, too late.'
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Post by jkdub1 on Aug 23, 2021 10:54:23 GMT -5
One slightly different view that I'll offer here. A LOT of kids have been under unusual stress this past year. The pandemic messed with a lot of heads. Is this really burnout? Is it only burnout because of outside factors? Hard to know.. but the question is - at this point, if he stops and misses the opportunities to keep playing will he regret it? Again - hard to know, but worth considering. It's not like you get that opportunity twice.
My point is - if this is just due to additional stress .. what happens when that goes away? It may be 'Gee, it was all this other stuff and not really soccer.. I really miss soccer - oops, too late.'
Good points. I’ve certainly worried about this and hope he doesn’t regret his decision. I had a good hard look his schedule and 3 days a week he’s gone from 6:45am until 9:20pm straight through. The other 2 days are pretty busy with work and his weekends start Friday night with football and travel/games on Saturday and Sunday. I think that’s a little much for any kid. Even I didn’t realize how much he had on his plate until we broke it down. So here we are. Hopefully if he gets a chance he’ll play again, even if it’s for a college club team. |
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