Stop the Bleeding-We Need Our Referees!

From Infinity Soccer's website...a great read.

infinitysc.org/parents/education/the-new-epidemic-sideline-misbehavior/


The New Epidemic…Sideline (Mis)Behavior
Recently an a state ODP team received an invitation for one of their ODP teams to participate in a prestigious tournament in England and were surprised to learn, upon reading the fine print, that said tournament was a ‘scout and parent free zone’. Imagine that! A sideline without parents. Could it be that the reputation of the American parents’ sideline behavior has spread all the way across the great pond? Or is it a case of ‘parents-are-the-same-everywhere’ syndrome. Regardless, the bottom line is this: The Director of the Tournament does not want any parents on the premises when the players are engaged in play. Having had the opportunity to study first hand the sideline behavior at youth games across Georgia, I can see his point.I am a parent myself and I enjoy watching my daughter play on Saturdays. It’s safe to say that the vast majority of parents and youth coaches are reasonable, well meaning, well adjusted people. Most of us look forward to attending our children’s soccer games, where we can spend a relaxing afternoon enjoying the outdoors in the company of likeminded adults who share a common interest. We know that parents and coaches don’t actually step out of their cars into the soccer complex with a pre-meditated plan to cause trouble to anyone. And yet, the facts tell a disturbing story. The majority of soccer players quit playing soccer somewhere in their teen years. Why do so many players quit? Some quit because they develop other interests but many quit because playing soccer stops being fun. Recent statistics are another source of great concern. They show a significant rise in red card offenses and referee assaults. Just as alarmingly, the majority of referees quit refereeing in their first year. In 1999, of the 3,000 referees in one U.S. state had a whopping 1,700 had less than one year’s experience!! Only 600 had more than 4 year’s refereeing experience. It’s a catch 22 situation. Refereeing standards can only improve if referees stick with it for a few years. But the sideline behavior of parents and coaches scares the rookie referees away.What exactly are the parents doing on the sidelines? Many parents, without any malicious intent, unknowingly send inappropriate messages to the players or the referees on the field. Messages from the parent’s side usually fall under one of the following categories:

Sideline Coaching: A big no-no, since the parent’s instruction could contradict the team coach’s instructions, not to mention that parents are not qualified to coach.

Sarcasm: Parents and coaches often aim sarcastic remarks at the referee. We have heard them all before so no need to elaborate. These sarcastic remarks serve no useful purpose other than to sour the experience for the referee. If that’s not bad enough, parents and coaches do not limit their sarcasm only for the referee. Players are also the target of sideline sarcasm. I heard a typical comment recently while watching a team struggle to get out of their half against better opponents, one of the struggling team’s parents shouted “come on guys, the field has two halves!”. These kinds of comments do not help the weak team solve the problem, but deflate and irritate the players.

Vocal Reaction and Body Language: Often, parents get emotionally involved in the game and are unable to suppress the (according to psychologists) sub-conscious desire to kick every ball and tackle every tackle. The “oooohs!”, “aaaahs!” and “oooyys!” that emanate from the parents’ side seem harmless enough but there is a fine line between disappointment and disapproval and young players often cannot tell the difference. When an open goal is missed, the cry of disappointment carries a certain level of ‘culprit-player-let-parents-down’ undertones. Young players are very sensitive to the feedback coming from the sidelines and they tend to pick up on the negative comments. If you don’t believe me ask the players.

Incurable Behavior: Unfortunately, there are a few isolated individuals who are unable to control themselves in a competitive environment such as a sport event and become mad lunatics. These individuals must not be allowed to coach young players or even attend games. The onus is on the Leagues to weed out such lunatics through a careful and methodical monitoring program using the club Director of Coaching or Coaching Coordinator and appointing field marshals for game days. There is no room for shouters and whiners on the sidelines.

What, you ask, is an acceptable behavior by parents? This might sound revolutionary and unrealistic but I firmly believe that parents can best serve their children by sitting quietly, and remain seated, throughout the game. Parents can show their appreciation of good play.

My analogy is this: Go to work. If you make the slightest mistake you get told by everyone around you. LOUDLY. ALL THE TIME. You may be able to handle it - you're an adult. For many games these are CHILDREN!!!

I must admit that when i received this last night my immediate reaction was to go get referee training. But then I thought I do not want to die on the field at the hands of some parental soccer mob. But a middle-aged parent is not the long-term solution to the referee shortage. 

I really appreciate some of the strategies I have seen referees use at the start of games and during the course of play. They try to neutralize parental reactions from the very start. I think it works a bit. I might take it a bit farther. What I might do if I was a referee would be to call all the parents over to a big huddle (group hug!) at the start of every game. I would let them know that we (me and ARs) would do the best job we could. Some of you might end up thinking it was not very good, but it would not be from lack of trying. I can assure you all that we do not have a favorite team out here. In addition, like we have contracts to do the best we can, you all must agree to a parental code of conduct as part of your child's participation with the club. This code of conduct is in the best interest of the game, the club, you, and most importantly your child. It would be great to see if we could get a 100% participation rate! I know that you are aware we can do things like ask you to leave if you are being disruptive, and enlist the support of the Field Marshall if that is ineffective. We do not want you to miss your child's game, but we also do not want their fun, or the fun of the other players, to be compromised by unfortunate events. So please, for today, try to just enjoy the show. They are going to be working very hard out here and doing the best that they can, and I am sure they can use all the positive encouragement you can provide. Oh, and one more thing, try to let the coaches coach today. Let's see what happens.

Referees have no jurisdiction over parents. Technically, a referee can't throw a parent out! On the other hand, a referee can refuse to allow the game to continue until the coaches have seen to it that the parent has been removed, but the referee should address the coaches, not the parent.

Such technicalities...

That being said, sideline behavior is a worldwide problem, not just here in the US. I have seen videos of a program in England addressing the problem with parents at youth games there. We are not alone!

For myself, I can usually act with a lot of restraint and understanding of the referee since I referee, but sometimes I lose it just like anyone else. What tends to get to me is a lack of knowledge on the part of the referee or a misapplication of the Laws as opposed to whether that particular tackle was a foul or not.

What do refs get paid these days? Back in the early 90's we got 2 bucks above the age group to center and 2 bucks below to be work the sidelines. I reffed a few years, never wanted the center job as the combat pay wasn't worth the risk. The AR job always seemed pretty risk free.

I think the email had the opposite effect on the parents. My kid and the ref crew she was on got yelled at all game long at Pickneyville today...by UFA Norcross parents (playing against DSC)...who all received the above email. Ridiculous! One of them even threw an f-bomb at my 13 year old. To be honest, I'm glad I was at my other daughter's game at Dacula because I doubt I would've handled it as well as she did. She, as well as the rest of the crew were troopers...ignored the parents abuse and called a good game. It was rough, several PK's awarded due to some rough slide tackles. Got to the point where the parents were yelling at even the out of bounds calls. I'm not saying my kid is always right but she's been playing in the sport for almost 10 years now, spending 5 days a week (or more) on the field playing and observing the sport not to mention the ref training. I'd pick her opinion over most of these arrogant parents who think dropping off their kids 3 days a week to practice makes them an expert in officiating. Oh well, some games are especially rough and bring out the worst in parents. She's AR'd for this u11 team before and the parents were fine. Still doesn't excuse the behavior but it happens.

The above comment by lovethegame that stated "Nothing shuts you up quicker when it comes to criticizing the refs than having a child who refs." is spot on. My kids u9 games had 3 brand new refs at the games. I mean, first games ever brand new. Heard the assignor pumping them up before the game and not a peep was uttered by the parents when they messed up. So glad to see that. They will get better with experience but to have an adult throw a fit like a little baby on the sidelines because of a blown call in a child's game will just create even more of a ref shortage than we already have.

Did u really think an email would make a difference? Parents on the sidelines are very well aware of their actions, they just dont care