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Post by bogan on Jun 9, 2022 22:01:11 GMT -5
From Skye Eddy: “Sadly, the list just keeps growing.... An email from a parent whose 9 year old just travelled three states away to a tournament, was ridiculed by teammates thanks to the culture the coach established within the team, and who played 15 total minutes of the tournament. A social media post in a private group about an 8 year old who played less than 10 minutes of an entire end of season tournament. An email from a parent of a 16 year old who didn’t make the team he had been on for the past six years, and who was notified about this by his name not being on the website published list instead of receiving a call from his coach of the past four years. A voice mail from an upset parent who felt like she had nowhere to turn when her daughter, who is struggling with anxiety, was screamed at from the coach during a game, loud enough for everyone to hear “What are you doing? I am so frustrated with you. We worked on this at practice.” The mom said to my voicemail with her voice cracking: “Why couldn’t he instead give her some confidence and believe in her? I am so worried about her.” The list goes on and on. I could fill up pages. In fact, I have an entire folder in Outlook where I save emails such as this entitled “Frustrated Parents”. Parents who feel powerless. Parents not sure how to balance the “hard times” with the “tough lessons” and the “personal growth”. … Full article here: www.soccerparenting.com/our-clubs-and-coaches-can-and-must-do-better/ |
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Post by soccerfan30 on Jun 10, 2022 13:49:05 GMT -5
It pains me to say this but given the current climate in America people are less tolerant and more hateful than ever before, the immediate access to social media, phones, etc allows people to bully others from afar 24/7. Parents fighting at sporting events, parents and players assaulting referees and the recent rise in teenage and college athletes killing themselves over abuse/mental health is shocking. Unfortunately given that parents allow or don't modify their kids behaviors leads me to believe its going to get worse.
I had an incident once with a younger team that was bullying one of their teammates over group chat and I didn't know about it. Once I found out about it, I discussed it with the parents and the team. Let's just say the offending players didn't touch a ball at practice for the next two weeks. Character and being a good teammate is more important than ability.
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Post by soccerlegacy on Jun 10, 2022 14:10:35 GMT -5
It pains me to say this but given the current climate in America people are less tolerant and more hateful than ever before, the immediate access to social media, phones, etc allows people to bully others from afar 24/7. Parents fighting at sporting events, parents and players assaulting referees and the recent rise in teenage and college athletes killing themselves over abuse/mental health is shocking. Unfortunately given that parents allow or don't modify their kids behaviors leads me to believe its going to get worse. I had an incident once with a younger team that was bullying one of their teammates over group chat and I didn't know about it. Once I found out about it, I discussed it with the parents and the team. Let's just say the offending players didn't touch a ball at practice for the next two weeks. Character and being a good teammate is more important than ability. It could also be that the parents are unaware in some instances. What were the parents responses to it once you discussed it with them? I feel parents should be asking questions about your kids daily lives, be involved, and knowing their friends, who the hang around, etc... But even then, some kids stuff is kept from the adults... at least you have a chance to catch the bad stuff before it goes too far. |
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Post by Soccerhouse on Jun 10, 2022 14:48:00 GMT -5
We've had issues of the years, club/coach dealt with it and the team moved on.
We grew up when the thought was "Sticks and Stones may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me"
For good and bad, that saying no longer holds true
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Post by coffee on Jun 10, 2022 16:31:58 GMT -5
We've had issues of the years, club/coach dealt with it and the team moved on. We grew up when the thought was "Sticks and Stones may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me" For good and bad, that saying no longer holds true Thanks Soccerhouse. I had completely forgotten that old mantra. |
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Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 10, 2022 19:25:59 GMT -5
We've had issues of the years, club/coach dealt with it and the team moved on. We grew up when the thought was "Sticks and Stones may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me" For good and bad, that saying no longer holds true Thanks Soccerhouse. I had completely forgotten that old mantra. Oh I had not forgotten this mantra, but many, many years ago realized that it is completely untrue. We also said "names" when I was a kid because words can hurt like "I don't want to be your friend anymore" or "I hate you" or "I don't love you anymore so we need to break up." By the time I was in high school it was known not to be true. And we mainly used it as a come-back to people who called us mean names in elementary school. Unfortunately the things that Skye mentioned in that article I have seen first hand (with slight modifications such as tournaments an hour and a half away and 9 year olds sitting on the bench for entire games). I will say the problems are DEFINITELY with the coaches and clubs and DEFINITELY with the parents and the kids. As a parent you can get more involved with what your kid is doing and saying at practice and to their teammates. This is especially true at the academy ages. Scold your child if you hear them be nasty on the field. Ask the coach if the child is behaving well st practice. TALK to the team manager and or coach if other kids are being mean to your child. If your coach is being nasty to your child at the younger ages talk to them. If they don't improve then leave clubs. As a coach you 100% should know how your team treats each other. You should mandate team dinners and breakfast for older teams that travel. For young teams have a preseason get together. Coordinate or strongly recommend to the team manager that they do this. You should treat your players with respect and dignity. There is no reason to publicly shame your player for their play. It is fine to discipline for poor effort or attitude. I will also say that players need to treat coaches with respect too. In the past we were at IMG and heard the players yelling at their coach and dropping f bombs at him. Mind blowing. |
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Post by soccerfan30 on Jun 11, 2022 12:01:54 GMT -5
It pains me to say this but given the current climate in America people are less tolerant and more hateful than ever before, the immediate access to social media, phones, etc allows people to bully others from afar 24/7. Parents fighting at sporting events, parents and players assaulting referees and the recent rise in teenage and college athletes killing themselves over abuse/mental health is shocking. Unfortunately given that parents allow or don't modify their kids behaviors leads me to believe its going to get worse. I had an incident once with a younger team that was bullying one of their teammates over group chat and I didn't know about it. Once I found out about it, I discussed it with the parents and the team. Let's just say the offending players didn't touch a ball at practice for the next two weeks. Character and being a good teammate is more important than ability. It could also be that the parents are unaware in some instances. What were the parents responses to it once you discussed it with them? I feel parents should be asking questions about your kids daily lives, be involved, and knowing their friends, who the hang around, etc... But even then, some kids stuff is kept from the adults... at least you have a chance to catch the bad stuff before it goes too far. Some parents were thankful for me taking the stance that I did, as they said "too many teachers and coaches look the other way" or "allow players to get away with stuff because of their ability", some felt I should have just "let it slide" and it was "just kids being kids"...which it wasn't. Too many parents let their kids slide or absolve them of personal responsibility and the problems get worse as they progress into their teens/adulthood. |
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Post by oraclesfriend on Jun 11, 2022 13:38:13 GMT -5
It could also be that the parents are unaware in some instances. What were the parents responses to it once you discussed it with them? I feel parents should be asking questions about your kids daily lives, be involved, and knowing their friends, who the hang around, etc... But even then, some kids stuff is kept from the adults... at least you have a chance to catch the bad stuff before it goes too far. Some parents were thankful for me taking the stance that I did, as they said "too many teachers and coaches look the other way" or "allow players to get away with stuff because of their ability", some felt I should have just "let it slide" and it was "just kids being kids"...which it wasn't. Too many parents let their kids slide or absolve them of personal responsibility and the problems get worse as they progress into their teens/adulthood. When my kid was in 1st grade I spoke with her PE teacher about her behavior and said it was OK to punish her by making her sit out if she was disruptive. The teacher was so happy to have a parent support corrective behavior. I agree that too many parents say "kids being kids" or even I have heard people say they won't get involved. |
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Post by baller84 on Jun 12, 2022 22:11:45 GMT -5
Many of us had seen this coming years ago with the "elite" leagues, and hoped to be wrong for this exclusive money first environment being created by the mega clubs nationally. Them, the incompetence and ignorance of most state and associations and of course above all the lack of leadership at the top during a very critical time for youth soccer in America. For the sake of the game we hoped to be wrong ...
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Post by slickdaddy96 on Jun 13, 2022 13:04:13 GMT -5
Many of us had seen this coming years ago with the "elite" leagues, and hoped to be wrong for this exclusive money first environment being created by the mega clubs nationally. Them, the incompetence and ignorance of most state and associations and of course above all the lack of leadership at the top during a very critical time for youth soccer in America. For the sake of the game we hoped to be wrong ... I'm more irritated with players being placed on teams (even playing up a year) where the player wouldn't even make their own aged team at the location, but because the club won't refuse money and can't say no, they stick a subpar player on a team. I wouldn't normally be irritated about that if the player didn't get much playing time, but it seems even at higher ages coaches want to be "fair" in teams below the 1st or 2nd team, and when playing certain players it is like playing with 10 men on purpose. I wish clubs, directors, and coaches would just tell parents like it is or the players like it is when they are not cut out to play on a certain team instead of just appeasing and letting them on a team anyway. In the long term you will lose the better players to other teams once they realize a kid that has no business being on a particular team is back again on the same team. They may have kids locked in for Fall, but its the old mantra "fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me" I know this doesn't happen necessarily at the 1st team level but stuff like this is rampant in branch locations for big clubs.... |
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Post by atlsoccer123 on Jun 13, 2022 14:43:18 GMT -5
Character and being a good teammate is more important than ability. Sadly, not all coaches agree. Integrity, commitment, and good character still don't win with most coaches in our area. |
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