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Post by Whistledown on Mar 16, 2023 22:00:23 GMT -5
I wanted to open a discussion about quitting soccer. Or at least not chasing and playing at the elite level after 10+ years.
I have a kid who is really, really good at it and played high school this year (not to out myself, I hope), but has realized that after playing at high levels for the past few years, traveling at least twice a month, and sacrificing more than what she receives back from this mafia-esque run business (often with psychotic parents with no moral compass) that we call youth soccer, wants to take a step down and play at a lower, lower level and just play for fun. High school made her realize that it’s a game played for fun.
After the shock wore off, as a parent I realize how very cult-like youth soccer is and how we hand our children over. Children who give every ounce of their being to vary rarely (if ever) receive back even half of what they give up. Often, it’s akin to needing to leave an unhealthy relationship.
Feel free to chime in.
Timely before crazy tryout season and maybe some parents need to know that stepping down, or even quitting, is an option. They are so much more than just a numbered player.
Someone else might need to hear that its okay if your kid wants to quit (or not play at the highest level).
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Post by soccernoleuk on Mar 17, 2023 6:57:10 GMT -5
To me quitting means you/they are giving up during season, and to me that isn't acceptable. If a player makes a commitment for a season/year, they should see it through. Once that commitment is complete, I 100% agree the player should make a decision about their future. If that is moving down a level (or 2), or even giving up the sport, that's fine. I wouldn't consider that quitting though.
The bottom line is each player needs to assess where they are and where they want to go with soccer, or for anything for that matter (another sport, dance, music, etc.). The parents also need to realize it isn't all about winning. It is about developing both as an athlete and as a person. The winning is nice, but it should be secondary to overall development. Too many parents, coaches and club leaders (I use the term loosely) have lost sight of this.
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Post by hateallthesechanges on Mar 17, 2023 7:23:32 GMT -5
To me quitting means you/they are giving up during season, and to me that isn't acceptable. If a player makes a commitment for a season/year, they should see it through. Once that commitment is complete, I 100% agree the player should make a decision about their future. If that is moving down a level (or 2), or even giving up the sport, that's fine. I wouldn't consider that quitting though. The bottom line is each player needs to assess where they are and where they want to go with soccer, or for anything for that matter (another sport, dance, music, etc.). The parents also need to realize it isn't all about winning. It is about developing both as an athlete and as a person. The winning is nice, but it should be secondary to overall development. Too many parents, coaches and club leaders (I use the term loosely) have lost sight of this. I agree with this. Quitting mid season is not OK (unless extreme extenuating circumstances of course). Choosing what you want to do before the season starts is not quitting, it is planning ahead and re-evaluating priorities. And yes, totally OK. I think it probably hurts us more than them because we see all of their potential. But in the end, it is their life and they need to forge their own path. Learning to do what makes them happy at this age is all that we should hope for. I do think they need to map out the pros and cons and understand the consequences though. It is not easy to come back so just make sure it is a well thought out decision. |
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Post by rifle on Mar 17, 2023 9:55:19 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight there is plenty not to like about club soccer. It can absolutely be toxic. There is quite a lot that is positive too - but don’t ever feel badly about finding a new interest.
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Post by bogan on Mar 17, 2023 10:08:18 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight there is plenty not to like about club soccer. It can absolutely be toxic. There is quite a lot that is positive too - but don’t ever feel badly about finding a new interest. Everyone hangs up their boots at some point. |
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Post by soccerloafer on Mar 17, 2023 10:47:29 GMT -5
Daughter of a friend, years ago, playing high but not elite level, got tired of it. Senior year, put together a group of like minded friends, formed a team and entered the rec league at the Y. Kicked the snot out of everyone (not obnoxiously), but had a blast wearing cheesy pink uniforms and just having fun.
Looking back, the crap you do and the stress you put on the kids is insane. It's a game...
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Post by heretounderstand on Mar 17, 2023 13:33:03 GMT -5
Sunk costs fallacy... www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5047866/Parents of youth sports participants fall right in the middle of the greatest age affected by this behavioral influence. It is real, it is psychological and if more people understood why they felt this way it may perhaps be easier for them to process the end of their kids' sports endeavors after years of participation. Either way, none of it is wasted...something is always learned, enjoyed, connected, etc. |
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Post by soccerluv on Mar 20, 2023 22:36:25 GMT -5
My kid wants to quit after this year. It has nothing to do with coach/ team/etc, she just wants a break. She might try out for a lower level team in a new position, but high school has her craving the free time to spend time with friends and pursue other activities too. She opted not to play high school this year to give herself a break, and I fully support her. I won’t lie, this was hard for me since this has been our life for so long, but she is so happy now and able to try out some new activities.
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Post by soccerman on Mar 21, 2023 9:37:35 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight there is plenty not to like about club soccer. It can absolutely be toxic. There is quite a lot that is positive too - but don’t ever feel badly about finding a new interest. 1000% agree. The high school experience is exactly what club should be. Everyone looking out for, and supporting, each other and ultimately being part of a team. And do you know why? Because everyone is there on merit and how they play now, not because they were 6 inches taller than everyone else when they were 8 years old and now feel like they have a God given right to remain on the 'top team' forever! There is absolutely none of that at the club level, the kids back stab each other and don't get me started on the background politics from the parents. Your son/daughter should definitely do what they want, play at whatever level they want and go and have a whole lot of fun and make amazing friendships as a result of that decision. |
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Post by newathis on Mar 21, 2023 12:32:47 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight there is plenty not to like about club soccer. It can absolutely be toxic. There is quite a lot that is positive too - but don’t ever feel badly about finding a new interest. 1000% agree. The high school experience is exactly what club should be. Everyone looking out for, and supporting, each other and ultimately being part of a team. And do you know why? Because everyone is there on merit and how they play now, not because they were 6 inches taller than everyone else when they were 8 years old and now feel like they have a God given right to remain on the 'top team' forever! There is absolutely none of that at the club level, the kids back stab each other and don't get me started on the background politics from the parents. Your son/daughter should definitely do what they want, play at whatever level they want and go and have a whole lot of fun and make amazing friendships as a result of that decision. I'm really looking forward to high school soccer! |
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Post by bolo on Mar 21, 2023 13:55:47 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight there is plenty not to like about club soccer. It can absolutely be toxic. There is quite a lot that is positive too - but don’t ever feel badly about finding a new interest. 1000% agree. The high school experience is exactly what club should be. Everyone looking out for, and supporting, each other and ultimately being part of a team. And do you know why? Because everyone is there on merit and how they play now, not because they were 6 inches taller than everyone else when they were 8 years old and now feel like they have a God given right to remain on the 'top team' forever! There is absolutely none of that at the club level, the kids back stab each other and don't get me started on the background politics from the parents. Your son/daughter should definitely do what they want, play at whatever level they want and go and have a whole lot of fun and make amazing friendships as a result of that decision. I don't know, I still see some club/high school "team selection" overlap. Specifically, I know of high school teams where, once you've made varsity, you're always going to be on varsity, whether you truly deserve to be or not. So if you make it as a freshman or sophomore, you're automatically on varsity through the end of your high school career. Many would say this is fair, and I can certainly see the merit in it. But in some cases you're using/guaranteeing a valuable roster spot to a player that might not be as good as a younger player trying to get onto the team for the first time. Now, often these are players who would be bottom-third players anyway, but it's still essentially rewarding someone for longevity over merit. You also see some young players get the benefit of the doubt based on older siblings who are already on the team, or even worse, they get brought onto the team almost as a package deal with their older, better sibling, to keep the family happy. Do I think these issues are as bad or widespread as you see at the club level? No, not even close. But they do exist. |
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Post by atlsoccer123 on Mar 22, 2023 13:25:55 GMT -5
"I know of high school teams where, once you've made varsity, you're always going to be on varsity, whether you truly deserve to be or not. So if you make it as a freshman or sophomore, you're automatically on varsity through the end of your high school career."
Is this true though? I would think that if an existing HS player lost their "game" and a younger player was stronger at the next HS tryout they could be bumped down. I don't know how many Varsity players would want to move down as a junior or senior but does it not happen??
Agree that the club level is a whole different beast - politics, who you know, favoritism. In HS they can't really do that because they need to win and no one is paying high dollar to be there so it should be merit-based.
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Post by atlfutboldad on Mar 31, 2023 12:58:36 GMT -5
All JMO of course:
I maintain that a lot of the BS of the highest levels of club soccer (politics, cost, travel, certain other clubs) should really not start UNTIL HS age (and should map to grad year+age not birth year). So, so many middle school superstars peak at that age and become middle of the pack at older ages. Clubs should really focus on pooling teams 1-2 and 3-4+ and forming weekend rosters based on practice performance (parental egos aside). Only 2 more years of club soccer, both U19...will see where mine ends up this June. High school has been a lot more fun the past couple years in many ways, but then my kid's HS team wins a lot more than her club teams in general.
Also, has ECNL girls split the Southeast yet?
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Post by kidsocceruber on Apr 2, 2023 16:56:05 GMT -5
It took me a little while to come to grips that my daughter wasn't going on to play in college, she went through the motions but didn't really actively get out there looking and talking to coaches. Had one local D2 school interested but she just wants to be a college student and in the end it's ok. The hardest part for me is when parents from opposing teams stop to tell me how good she is after the games and ask why isn't she going to play. Easy explanation of course, she doesn't want to, but knowing she could have has to be enough.
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