Post by confusedsoccermom on Apr 28, 2024 4:42:17 GMT -5
Dear fellow youth club soccer parents,
I would really appreciate it if you could give me some insights into my son's situation and seemingly unfair treatment from his club coach.
My son (2015) joined a local soccer club about 5 months ago. We are fairly new to this club. I am a single mom who takes care of two kids 100% of the time and, trust me, I am doing my very best. My son is at all scheduled practices and games on time except for a 2-week vacation we took which was booked prior to him joining this club. I told the coach about this vacation prior to joining the club that this vacation has been paid for and I cannot reschedule. He was understandable and thanked me for communicating ahead of time. I reminded the coach and the team manager of this vacation about a month prior to departure and again a week before to make sure that they know we will not be attending practices and games during those two weeks time.
The coach is very strict on being on time and attending practices and games, which I completely agree and understand. He did mention at a parents' meeting that it's okay to take vacation, but it is not fair to those who attend all practices and games, so the players who don't show up on time, miss practices and games without proper notice will be losing play time. I thought it is fair enough too.
Prior to this vacation, my son was playing at least 50% of each game. After this vacation, the coach started to only allow him to play 10-15 minutes for a consecutive 3 weeks straight. And today it became very extreme - He placed my son for only 5 minutes in the game. In the past 3 weeks, I can see my son losing confidence day by day. He even started biting his fingernails in the field which tells me he is extremely nervous. He starts to stumble and trips on the ball and falls too. This has rarely happened before. My son loves soccer so much, he is a very shy kid to start with. He did not grow up with a father and I have always felt sorry and guilty for the fact that he doesn't have a father figure in his life. My son really looks up to this coach and soccer has been something that brightened his character up overall. I am sure all parents hates unfair playtime in the U9 level, but I have hated it even more - for this sports has been my hope that my son can finally open up and become more confident.
During the game, as all other parents cheered for their boys, I sat on the sideline hoping I can dig a hole and bury myself right then and there. Then I saw my little baby boy, who sits on the bench and glances over at me to see if I am upset, I felt my eyes wetting with tears under my sunglasses. My son is so worried that I am upset and disappointed, it hurts me deeply. At that moment it darned on me that it is my own ego that I am upset about, I was embarrassed that my son was being benched and it should have never been about me and my feelings.
I communicated with the coach by asking him what I can do to help my son in what the coach thinks he is lacking. The coach has told him at the end of the game that his skills are very good and he has everything it needs to be a great team player except for he lacks understanding of the game. And hence the coach wants him to 'sit and watch'. It is very counter-intuitive to me - how can my son learn automation in the game if he does not participate?? The past few games are not tournaments, they are regular season games. When I approached the coach, I asked if I can hire him on the side to teach my son some more soccer theories to help him gain understanding of the games, and he told me just to be patient and let my son absorb the practices. I am extremely confused - if he thinks my son has great skills but lacks understanding of the game (position responsibility, team work etc) then shouldn't he be playing more games to absorb it?
Is the coach brushing me off here? Am I over thinking this? Am I being the nightmare soccer mom here? Is he punishing my son for taking that trip by not allowing him to play so that he can show all the other parents the consequences of missing practice and games??
My gut feeling is that he wants to show everyone by punishing my son. He currently has 11 players in the 7v7 setting, so maybe he doesn't care to lose someone and use this opportunity to show everyone what the consequences are for missing practice and games.
Please help！！！ I have been really devastated by this unfair playtime. From my observation, all other players are playing at least 50% of the time except for my son, and again he only got FIVE minuets today. My son is only 9 year old right now, I would do anything to protect his passion and hate for any team politics to ruin his love for the sport. How else should I talk to the coach? Please advice...
I am also struggling because I value creating memories with my children by travelling together tremendously. It would be totally helpful if the coach provides a very clear schedule on the team's calendar but there is no such thing. There is a vague calendar but it is definitely not specific enough for me to know exactly which days I can plan for a trip. Also my other child has already sacrificed so much because of my son's soccer club taking up so much time, and I am the only parent in the house to take care of them, I am really doubting this decision to join a club and I really hope to hear some feedbacks from you.
Lastly I want to mention that the coach is the head coach and director of the youth program, so I have no idea who else is above him and what can be done to report this incidence.
Thank you in advance!
I would really appreciate it if you could give me some insights into my son's situation and seemingly unfair treatment from his club coach.
My son (2015) joined a local soccer club about 5 months ago. We are fairly new to this club. I am a single mom who takes care of two kids 100% of the time and, trust me, I am doing my very best. My son is at all scheduled practices and games on time except for a 2-week vacation we took which was booked prior to him joining this club. I told the coach about this vacation prior to joining the club that this vacation has been paid for and I cannot reschedule. He was understandable and thanked me for communicating ahead of time. I reminded the coach and the team manager of this vacation about a month prior to departure and again a week before to make sure that they know we will not be attending practices and games during those two weeks time.
The coach is very strict on being on time and attending practices and games, which I completely agree and understand. He did mention at a parents' meeting that it's okay to take vacation, but it is not fair to those who attend all practices and games, so the players who don't show up on time, miss practices and games without proper notice will be losing play time. I thought it is fair enough too.
Prior to this vacation, my son was playing at least 50% of each game. After this vacation, the coach started to only allow him to play 10-15 minutes for a consecutive 3 weeks straight. And today it became very extreme - He placed my son for only 5 minutes in the game. In the past 3 weeks, I can see my son losing confidence day by day. He even started biting his fingernails in the field which tells me he is extremely nervous. He starts to stumble and trips on the ball and falls too. This has rarely happened before. My son loves soccer so much, he is a very shy kid to start with. He did not grow up with a father and I have always felt sorry and guilty for the fact that he doesn't have a father figure in his life. My son really looks up to this coach and soccer has been something that brightened his character up overall. I am sure all parents hates unfair playtime in the U9 level, but I have hated it even more - for this sports has been my hope that my son can finally open up and become more confident.
During the game, as all other parents cheered for their boys, I sat on the sideline hoping I can dig a hole and bury myself right then and there. Then I saw my little baby boy, who sits on the bench and glances over at me to see if I am upset, I felt my eyes wetting with tears under my sunglasses. My son is so worried that I am upset and disappointed, it hurts me deeply. At that moment it darned on me that it is my own ego that I am upset about, I was embarrassed that my son was being benched and it should have never been about me and my feelings.
I communicated with the coach by asking him what I can do to help my son in what the coach thinks he is lacking. The coach has told him at the end of the game that his skills are very good and he has everything it needs to be a great team player except for he lacks understanding of the game. And hence the coach wants him to 'sit and watch'. It is very counter-intuitive to me - how can my son learn automation in the game if he does not participate?? The past few games are not tournaments, they are regular season games. When I approached the coach, I asked if I can hire him on the side to teach my son some more soccer theories to help him gain understanding of the games, and he told me just to be patient and let my son absorb the practices. I am extremely confused - if he thinks my son has great skills but lacks understanding of the game (position responsibility, team work etc) then shouldn't he be playing more games to absorb it?
Is the coach brushing me off here? Am I over thinking this? Am I being the nightmare soccer mom here? Is he punishing my son for taking that trip by not allowing him to play so that he can show all the other parents the consequences of missing practice and games??
My gut feeling is that he wants to show everyone by punishing my son. He currently has 11 players in the 7v7 setting, so maybe he doesn't care to lose someone and use this opportunity to show everyone what the consequences are for missing practice and games.
Please help！！！ I have been really devastated by this unfair playtime. From my observation, all other players are playing at least 50% of the time except for my son, and again he only got FIVE minuets today. My son is only 9 year old right now, I would do anything to protect his passion and hate for any team politics to ruin his love for the sport. How else should I talk to the coach? Please advice...
I am also struggling because I value creating memories with my children by travelling together tremendously. It would be totally helpful if the coach provides a very clear schedule on the team's calendar but there is no such thing. There is a vague calendar but it is definitely not specific enough for me to know exactly which days I can plan for a trip. Also my other child has already sacrificed so much because of my son's soccer club taking up so much time, and I am the only parent in the house to take care of them, I am really doubting this decision to join a club and I really hope to hear some feedbacks from you.
Lastly I want to mention that the coach is the head coach and director of the youth program, so I have no idea who else is above him and what can be done to report this incidence.
Thank you in advance!
