|
|
Post by DunwoodySoccerDad on May 15, 2024 19:08:57 GMT -5
My 2011 player was just told she wasn’t welcome back to her current club because we had her go to id clinics and practices post season. For example ECNL id clinic in May and other practices post season. Coach said that because she was captain he felt as if she was abandoning the club for seeking other options. Other players have done the same without repercussions. We have never had any other incidents and have been at the club for 6 years. Is this normal? Can this be ethical? I’m just at a loss. Any advice? I’d love to know which club it is and who the coach is. They should be named so that others know to avoid that coach. While not necessarily “unethical”, it’s just a shizatty thing to do. You should’ve asked that coach - “So you’ve never gone on an interview while you had a job? And you’re never leaving this job unless they fire you?” He would have been stumbling over his words. |
|
|
|
Post by lajolla39 on May 15, 2024 19:28:53 GMT -5
Clubs don't own your kid.
Take this as a blessing in disguise and find somewhere else to play.
What a jerkoff.
|
|
|
|
Post by southernsoccer on May 15, 2024 19:39:00 GMT -5
I agree with the above. Name and shame, then thank God for the redirection! Awful thing to do to anyone but especially a kid.
|
|
|
|
Post by suzyq on May 15, 2024 19:45:29 GMT -5
I agree with the above. Name and shame, then thank God for the redirection! Awful thing to do to anyone but especially a kid. |
|
|
|
Post by southernsoccer on May 15, 2024 19:49:56 GMT -5
We really just don’t understand. She has never missed a game, practice, or event. She is the captain of the team and I am just beside myself. She played with the club for 6 years and has been kicked out just for exploring other options. We have never had a negative interaction with the coach until this moment. I never knew something like this could happen. But the reason he gave was that she was abandoning her club and he couldn’t allow that. In our experiences with coaches like this and we have had a lot. You will never understand. And if you could figure it out, it would probably be worse and more rotten than what you could come up with on your own. Ultimately, I’ve learned that behind all the reasons he gave is just a desperate need for control. I’m sorry this happened. |
|
|
|
Post by atlnoleg on May 16, 2024 6:14:57 GMT -5
First, I'm sorry this happened. It really sucks. You did nothing, I repeat NOTHING wrong. I've personally experienced something similar with our first club after I had a personal conversation with the coach who assured me he understood why we were trying out somewhere else and actually encouraged it. After not showing for the first day of tryouts our registration was canceled, I assume at the direction of the club director. I've heard stories of clubs booting siblings because one was leaving for another club. This is why I always roll my eyes when people use terms like "club-hoppers" and phrases like "grass isn't always greener" etc. to shame parents for being disloyal to their clubs. There is no loyalty from clubs. They are looking out for themselves and you should do the same. Always.
|
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on May 16, 2024 7:20:31 GMT -5
This story is horrible. I see why you don’t want to name though as you gave enough details such as age group and level so you would out yourself.
Regardless your story is unfortunately not new. I will say that your coach is a fool. All people have a right to look around. The only legitimate reason you would not be welcome back is if you trashed the coach and caused discord in the team. My guess is that was not the case or they would have said something earlier.
Lucky for you as a captain of an ECNL team your player should have a lot of options and hopefully you live in an area that won’t cause you too much trouble to travel to any of them.
Good luck.
Please let us know that your child landed in a place that they could be happy going forward.
|
|
|
|
Post by atlien on May 16, 2024 7:50:59 GMT -5
This story is horrible. I see why you don’t want to name though as you gave enough details such as age group and level so you would out yourself. Regardless your story is unfortunately not new. I will say that your coach is a fool. All people have a right to look around. The only legitimate reason you would not be welcome back is if you trashed the coach and caused discord in the team. My guess is that was not the case or they would have said something earlier. Lucky for you as a captain of an ECNL team your player should have a lot of options and hopefully you live in an area that won’t cause you too much trouble to travel to any of them. Good luck. Please let us know that your child landed in a place that they could be happy going forward. Am I wrong but the original poster did not say they were currently on an ECNL team, only that there were being punished for attending an ECNL ID clinic… |
|
|
|
Post by DunwoodySoccerDad on May 16, 2024 7:58:28 GMT -5
This story is horrible. I see why you don’t want to name though as you gave enough details such as age group and level so you would out yourself. Regardless your story is unfortunately not new. I will say that your coach is a fool. All people have a right to look around. The only legitimate reason you would not be welcome back is if you trashed the coach and caused discord in the team. My guess is that was not the case or they would have said something earlier. Lucky for you as a captain of an ECNL team your player should have a lot of options and hopefully you live in an area that won’t cause you too much trouble to travel to any of them. Good luck. Please let us know that your child landed in a place that they could be happy going forward. Am I wrong but the original poster did not say they were currently on an ECNL team, only that there were being punished for attending an ECNL ID clinic… Yeah I don’t think she ever said her daughter was currently on an ECNL team, just that she went to an ID clinic. We don’t know for sure because she deleted her OP and all of her replies, presumably out of fear that this would get back to the coach. Frankly I wouldn’t give a crap, he needs to be called out. |
|
|
|
Post by atlantagray on May 16, 2024 8:24:02 GMT -5
Am I wrong but the original poster did not say they were currently on an ECNL team, only that there were being punished for attending an ECNL ID clinic… Yeah I don’t think she ever said her daughter was currently on an ECNL team, just that she went to an ID clinic. We don’t know for sure because she deleted her OP and all of her replies, presumably out of fear that this would get back to the coach. Frankly I wouldn’t give a crap, he needs to be called out. We all have our own individual suspicions of what club/coach this could be, and I don't know if it matters calling out these coaches or not (note that no one has mentioned anyone/ any club by name even though names definitely popped into our mind.) That being said, it should be a huge red flag if you feel, in any way, that you're held hostage by a club. |
|
|
|
Post by DunwoodySoccerDad on May 16, 2024 8:36:51 GMT -5
Yeah I don’t think she ever said her daughter was currently on an ECNL team, just that she went to an ID clinic. We don’t know for sure because she deleted her OP and all of her replies, presumably out of fear that this would get back to the coach. Frankly I wouldn’t give a crap, he needs to be called out. We all have our own individual suspicions of what club/coach this could be, and I don't know if it matters calling out these coaches or not (note that no one has mentioned anyone/ any club by name even though names definitely popped into our mind.) That being said, it should be a huge red flag if you feel, in any way, that you're held hostage by a club. What amazes me is the complete lack of understanding by this coach about the player-club relationship. The player/parents are the customers and the coach/club are providing a service. I’ll say this - the club’s director either approves this way of doing business (which is a massive red flag for the club) or they don’t know about it and would be pretty unhappy with the coach for running off a kid like that. |
|
|
|
Post by Futsal Gawdess on May 16, 2024 8:48:31 GMT -5
Clubs don't own your kid. Take this as a blessing in disguise and find somewhere else to play. What a jerkoff. Clearly it's that season when coaches and clubs think they have all the power because tryouts are upon us: This was a petty move, by a truly petty coach. Plus, I low-key feel like the coach was hurt that their chosen captain would be interested in potentially moving on. The coach could have just not picked the player during tryouts, but they wanted to own the fact that they no longer wanted the player at this club. Now last I checked, it was the decision of the parent to take said kid to another ID Camp. I will say again, name, names and call them out. While I thankfully, no longer have to deal with this ish, it seems these days the "adults" in youth soccer are getting out of control. Use the social power of platforms like this to educate others and retake the power. These shyte coaches are getting out of hand and need to be reeled in. Blow up their SM accounts asking questions and do the same to that of the club. How does the coach now feel losing a player like that with their comments. We should wait to find out if that coach is looking to move on and blast it out there for his current club to find out... Okay, stepping back down now 🤪 |
|
|
|
Post by lajolla39 on May 16, 2024 9:05:39 GMT -5
Am I wrong but the original poster did not say they were currently on an ECNL team, only that there were being punished for attending an ECNL ID clinic… Yeah I don’t think she ever said her daughter was currently on an ECNL team, just that she went to an ID clinic. We don’t know for sure because she deleted her OP and all of her replies, presumably out of fear that this would get back to the coach. Frankly I wouldn’t give a crap, he needs to be called out. I feel bad that the parent felt the need to hide the truth and cover up a coaches bad behavior. If coaches aren't called out publicly on actions like this it guarantees that it will happen again to another kid. For those not involved but watching from the outside. The best coaches have lists of players that have expressed interest in playing for their teams. Poor coaches threaten berate and do things like this in an effort to control players and parents through fear. |
|
|
|
Post by lajolla39 on May 16, 2024 10:44:13 GMT -5
I’m the original poster of the thread and honestly I deleted my op and responses because I’m terrified that the coach will find out somehow and try to do more than just kick us out. We never bad mouthed the club or coach ever. We were extremely loyal for 6 years and in this last year (in both seasons) only missed two practices. I’m just beside myself. I don’t want to give too many details but my child plays Select (high level) u13. I never knew that exploring other options would lead to us being exiled. I think I have the option as a parent to do my due diligence and make sure my child is in the right place. For the money, time, and commitment I need to be sure that the club she is at is the right club for her. Thank you all for your feedback. And I apologize for not being more forthcoming about the details I’m just basically living in fear that my child won’t be able to play the sport she loves anymore. Have you reached out to your clubs DOC and discussed the situation? They may or may not be aware. You'll find out quickly if they're aware of the action and if they plan to backup the coach. Either way I'd change clubs. What's happend is bad MOJO and likely will just get worse. BTW I'm a big backer of GA clubs which is where Im kind of assuming your kid plays. But if you can find a better opportunity on an ECNL team go for it. Jerkoffs don't change and bad coaches can make players quit faster than anything else. |
|
|
|
Post by newguy on May 16, 2024 11:13:16 GMT -5
I’m the original poster of the thread and honestly I deleted my op and responses because I’m terrified that the coach will find out somehow and try to do more than just kick us out. We never bad mouthed the club or coach ever. We were extremely loyal for 6 years and in this last year (in both seasons) only missed two practices. I’m just beside myself. I don’t want to give too many details but my child plays Select (high level) u13. I never knew that exploring other options would lead to us being exiled. I think I have the option as a parent to do my due diligence and make sure my child is in the right place. For the money, time, and commitment I need to be sure that the club she is at is the right club for her. Thank you all for your feedback. And I apologize for not being more forthcoming about the details I’m just basically living in fear that my child won’t be able to play the sport she loves anymore. Have you reached out to your clubs DOC and discussed the situation? They may or may not be aware. You'll find out quickly if they're aware of the action and if they plan to backup the coach. Either way I'd change clubs. What's happend is bad MOJO and likely will just get worse. BTW I'm a big backer of GA clubs which is where Im kind of assuming your kid plays. But if you can find a better opportunity on an ECNL team go for it. Jerkoffs don't change and bad coaches can make players quit faster than anything else. I think a lot of us are probably assuming the same club involved here but either way. I think if OP reaches out to another club and let’s them know of their concerns with the current program then they will be welcomed with open arms to tryout and get a fairer shake. |
|
|
|
Post by oraclesfriend on May 16, 2024 12:33:59 GMT -5
This story is horrible. I see why you don’t want to name though as you gave enough details such as age group and level so you would out yourself. Regardless your story is unfortunately not new. I will say that your coach is a fool. All people have a right to look around. The only legitimate reason you would not be welcome back is if you trashed the coach and caused discord in the team. My guess is that was not the case or they would have said something earlier. Lucky for you as a captain of an ECNL team your player should have a lot of options and hopefully you live in an area that won’t cause you too much trouble to travel to any of them. Good luck. Please let us know that your child landed in a place that they could be happy going forward. Am I wrong but the original poster did not say they were currently on an ECNL team, only that there were being punished for attending an ECNL ID clinic… You may be correct. Sorry about my assumptions there. The original posts were deleted and I did make an error there. That is what I get for reading it while doing other things at the same time. 🤦🏻♀️ Still I get why the OP would be concerned. They were clearly worried since posts were deleted. Regardless it was a crap move. Hopefully my assumption about the player’s level is correct enough in that there will be plenty of places to land where the family can be happy. That isn’t always the case for people. |
|
|
|
Post by atlnoleg on May 16, 2024 12:47:48 GMT -5
May 16, 2024 12:13:16 GMT -4 newguy said:
lajolla39 Avatar
May 16, 2024 11:44:13 GMT -4 lajolla39 said:
Have you reached out to your clubs DOC and discussed the situation? They may or may not be aware. You'll find out quickly if they're aware of the action and if they plan to backup the coach.
Either way I'd change clubs. What's happend is bad MOJO and likely will just get worse.
BTW I'm a big backer of GA clubs which is where Im kind of assuming your kid plays. But if you can find a better opportunity on an ECNL team go for it. Jerkoffs don't change and bad coaches can make players quit faster than anything else.
I think a lot of us are probably assuming the same club involved here but either way. I think if OP reaches out to another club and let’s them know of their concerns with the current program then they will be welcomed with open arms to tryout and get a fairer shake.
I think a lot of us are thinking it's their current or former club because it pretty much describes all of them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Panenka on May 16, 2024 13:40:31 GMT -5
OP, have you read the Club Policies to confirm if this motive is listed as a valid reason as to why they will not welcome her back? Doubt it is. If it isn't then you have grounds to file a complaint / grievance to Executive Leadership or the Board of Directors on the basis of violation of club policy. Clubs have a grievance policy you would need to follow.
Shady coaches like this one want parents to walk away from the club in silence, but they deserve to be called out when it's a violation of policy. Either via an official complaint with the club or on forums like this.
|
|
|
|
Post by slickdaddy96 on May 16, 2024 13:54:03 GMT -5
Similar issue with my kid after being loyal to a club for 10+ years. One coach didn't like me even though my kid started and played full games for him and for the coach before him for at least 3 years working his way up through the years getting stronger and better. Coach thought I was some ring leader out to get him when I was just conveying the general sentiment of the team parents to him (something I had done for every coach as team manager for many years), but this one took it as me trying to get rid of him when I was just being nice and warning of the animosity the parents had against him. The coach allowed my kid to tryout and then ghosted him and us to the point where I had to get the DOC involved. He then proceeded to lie about what went down and the DOC backed him up. So I had to scramble to find a team (which ended up being quite a bit better team) with another club with my kid doing some workouts with the team over the summer to solidify his position. My kid would have rather played on his lower team with his friends but that was not a possibility due to the unprofessional and unethical coach.
Turns out that whole story was a blessing in disguise. My kid got better on this better team with this new club, and I regretted not taking my kid over to that club years ago. His former team with all his friends had from what I'm told (since I'm friends with most of the parents) a very crapshow of a season, and before the first game even happened the same POS coach quit on the club due to supposed "primary job scheduling issues". I thought it was a bit of karma to the club and the DOC for having that coach's back.
Regardless at this point it is water under the bridge on the whole incident, and honestly my kid nor I harbor any ill will toward the old club. The only ill will I have is against the former coach that lied about the situation.
My point is that there are many POS coaches, that will even go as far as lying to the DOC and club to get rid of players or families. It happens in all clubs. Most times the DOC believes the coach for various reasons such as needing the coach due to lack of of being able to hire any others, or other reasons. There isn't anything you can do about it but switch teams and coaches when this happens. Sometimes the clubs are complacent in the whole thing, sometimes the coach is pulling the wool over their eyes.
Here I am at the end of the journey with my older kid, and even if I regret not shopping clubs earlier in their select years, I wouldn't give up any of it for anything in the world. They played their last club game last weekend, and it finally hit me hard what my wife had been feeling all this time with graduation, soccer, etc.... I'm going to miss the hell out of seeing my kid play.
|
|
|
|
Post by rifle on May 16, 2024 15:27:20 GMT -5
Similar issue with my kid after being loyal to a club for 10+ years. One coach didn't like me even though my kid started and played full games for him and for the coach before him for at least 3 years working his way up through the years getting stronger and better. Coach thought I was some ring leader out to get him when I was just conveying the general sentiment of the team parents to him (something I had done for every coach as team manager for many years), but this one took it as me trying to get rid of him when I was just being nice and warning of the animosity the parents had against him. The coach allowed my kid to tryout and then ghosted him and us to the point where I had to get the DOC involved. He then proceeded to lie about what went down and the DOC backed him up. So I had to scramble to find a team (which ended up being quite a bit better team) with another club with my kid doing some workouts with the team over the summer to solidify his position. My kid would have rather played on his lower team with his friends but that was not a possibility due to the unprofessional and unethical coach. Turns out that whole story was a blessing in disguise. My kid got better on this better team with this new club, and I regretted not taking my kid over to that club years ago. His former team with all his friends had from what I'm told (since I'm friends with most of the parents) a very crapshow of a season, and before the first game even happened the same POS coach quit on the club due to supposed "primary job scheduling issues". I thought it was a bit of karma to the club and the DOC for having that coach's back. Regardless at this point it is water under the bridge on the whole incident, and honestly my kid nor I harbor any ill will toward the old club. The only ill will I have is against the former coach that lied about the situation. My point is that there are many POS coaches, that will even go as far as lying to the DOC and club to get rid of players or families. It happens in all clubs. Most times the DOC believes the coach for various reasons such as needing the coach due to lack of of being able to hire any others, or other reasons. There isn't anything you can do about it but switch teams and coaches when this happens. Sometimes the clubs are complacent in the whole thing, sometimes the coach is pulling the wool over their eyes. Here I am at the end of the journey with my older kid, and even if I regret not shopping clubs earlier in their select years, I wouldn't give up any of it for anything in the world. They played their last club game last weekend, and it finally hit me hard what my wife had been feeling all this time with graduation, soccer, etc.... I'm going to miss the hell out of seeing my kid play. it takes a while to sink in when it’s over. |
|
