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Post by calliope on Oct 31, 2014 21:23:00 GMT -5
I know there's a thread about obnoxious parents but this parent deserves special recognition. We had a game last weekend against a rival club...not our biggest rival but a game we take seriously. They were ahead 0-1 with maybe 5 minutes to go and we got a free kick off a handball. The ball hit the crossbar and bounced down into the box. One of their players handed the ball down (with both hands) and the linesman called it. After the ref called handball in the box and a PK, someone on the opposing team called out, 'Go back to Africa and take Ebola with you!'. Nice. Classy. I always have thought of this team and their parents as a fairly classy bunch but this was so grossly over the top that I, and others that also heard it, were appalled. No one on our team seems to know who said it, but someone on the other sideline knows. Hopefully they will deal with it. Thankfully, after this year we'll never play them again.
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Post by rifle on Nov 1, 2014 9:15:16 GMT -5
Identify the team and maybe it will cause some necessary shame for the knucklehead.
Was the remark directed at a kid or the ref?
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Post by zizou on Nov 1, 2014 9:21:23 GMT -5
This is close to the worst comment from a parent sideline I have ever seen reported. The combination of insensitivities in that statement reveal a level of mean spiritedness (I have other terms but this is a family show) that the other parents should have done something immediately. Let's hope the other parents on that team have done something since to let this individual know such behavior is intolerable.
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Post by reinalocura on Nov 1, 2014 10:55:13 GMT -5
I have to agree is Zizou. That is just PLAIN AWFUL and so very WRONG. :-(
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Post by Keeperkeeper on Nov 1, 2014 11:12:10 GMT -5
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Post by spectator on Nov 1, 2014 16:23:33 GMT -5
I've seen and heard the worst parental behavior this year than in any other in our games and when my kid was refereeing. Mean nasty vulgar comments from grown adults directed at children pllaying a game. Shameful. Worst offenders so far - fathers of girl players. Nice way to be a role model, Dad ---not!!!!
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Post by calliope on Nov 1, 2014 18:36:12 GMT -5
The remark was directed at the referee. I hesitate to name the team because I don't know who said it and I don't want the entire group smeared. I will say it was a G U13 A game and my description should be enough for anyone on this forum (especially from that team) to figure out. I would love to hear that some action has been taken.
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Post by Yellow Card on Nov 1, 2014 19:02:04 GMT -5
As a parent of both male and female players, I have come to the conclusion the parents for the girls teams are hands down crazier than the boys. When it comes to their princess.....for the most part everyone else is wrong or at fault. Not all of the parents, but more than on the boys side. Anybody else concur or is my experience singular?
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Post by rifle on Nov 1, 2014 19:46:16 GMT -5
I've observed much the same.
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Post by sidelinemama on Nov 1, 2014 21:03:27 GMT -5
I am frequently embarrassed to have to call myself a soccer parent. So many shameful observations….
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Post by spectator on Nov 1, 2014 21:28:42 GMT -5
The remark was directed at the referee. I hesitate to name the team because I don't know who said it and I don't want the entire group smeared. I will say it was a G U13 A game and my description should be enough for anyone on this forum (especially from that team) to figure out. I would love to hear that some action has been taken. Regardless of who it was directed toward there is no excuse or place for racist remarks - EVER!!!!! |
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Post by zizou on Nov 1, 2014 22:06:07 GMT -5
The remark was directed at the referee. I hesitate to name the team because I don't know who said it and I don't want the entire group smeared. I will say it was a G U13 A game and my description should be enough for anyone on this forum (especially from that team) to figure out. I would love to hear that some action has been taken. I doubt any parents from that team would comment for one of two reasons: (i) they see nothing wrong with it. I can hear them now: "It was a funny joke. Don't you people have a sense of humor? Lighten up!" or (ii) These are the types of parents who would prefer to post anonymously in the cesspool. I also have a feeling I know the team, and now I feel badly about giving one of our esteemed members a hard time for calling this club out last year for drunken and rude tailgating behavior at youth soccer games. |
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Post by 4theloveofsoccer on Nov 2, 2014 8:23:51 GMT -5
This is really unfortunate for others to hear and the most disrespectful thing that I have ever heard and/or seen at the fields. I have heard plenty of remarks from other teams that make you turn your head, but the worst was "C'mon boys! Let's play like champs not like chumps!" I've had some parent marching up and down the sideline being a coach and actually stop in front of me to block my view. On our teams we have some excited individuals that at times say/do things which they shouldn't, we collectively talk to them individually. Only one time we held a team meeting and addressed the issue to everyone. From my experience, the first year of academy seems to be the hardest. After the first year they realize this is supposed to be fun and mistakes will happen, let the kids learn and grow with the game. The academy years are the most enjoyable times to watch your little ones play.
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Post by jack4343 on Nov 2, 2014 8:58:38 GMT -5
My u14 daughter referee had an incident yesterday as well except it was a coach. Used profanity to her (not directed at her but in one of his verbal tirades) and tossed several insults at her and the ref crew. Not going into great detail here as we have filed a report and this gentleman (I used that term very loosely here) will be talked to by his club. Sadly, this coach of young academy girls is from our home club and has actually coached my youngest daughter before and that club has been very vocal to parents about their sideline behavior. These coaches have to remember that they lead by example...not only to the kids in their care but also to the parents. I can remember a game early in my oldest's playing career and our sideline was getting way out of hand in a awfully rough game and yelling at the refs to do something. Our coach didn't yell at the refs, didn't encourage the pack to riot. Instead he yelled across the field...very firmly and sternly. "PARENTS.....ENOUGH!" That was it. Fire put out and problem solved. We need more coaches like him. Instead, it seems our problems with sideline behavior are getting worse as I am witnessing more and more coaches getting in on the act. Coaches are paid participants and have been trained on how to act in these situations. They need to remember their training better. They are very influential to these children they are coaching especially the young ones. How long before the kids they coach start yelling at the refs, fighting on the field or using bad language and obscene gestures? I have seen all of these things and it can start with influence such as this coach.
This coach yesterday offered to ref the game himself. He might have this chance sooner rather than later. GA Soccer is really really having a hard time getting refs at all, much less ones that stick around more than one year. When push eventually comes to shove, these coaches will not only have to coach their games, they will also have to ref a game or two a weekend due to a lack of willing participants to daily abuse by people that are trained to know better. My daughter told me early on when she started reffing that the parents don't bother her. She said they are usually quick to fly off the handle and say and do stupid stuff because usually they don't know the game and the rules and are extremely biased. She said that when coaches yell it bothers her because they know the game and when they yell they usually are correct. Of course there are exceptions to the rule in every case. There are excellent coaches out there (as per my earlier example) and then there are ones that choose to try and intimidate the refs into getting every call because they are so wrapped up in winning that they resort to those kinds of tactics when they coaching ability falls short.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is this....is the soccer field a special circumstance that an adult of any age feels that it ok to yell expletives to children, insult them, call them names, threaten them? Would you do that when you see the same kid randomly walking past you at the grocery store or riding their bike down the street in your neighborhood? As adults, we are the ones that must set the example to our children and as a soccer group we are woefully falling short in this department. We need to think a little bit before we open our mouths. Coaches....I shouldn't even have to put you in the same group. You know better....
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Post by jack4343 on Nov 2, 2014 9:15:44 GMT -5
Another thing that I would like to state. While the rules of soccer are exact, on a field of play they are subject to many judgement calls. While one person sees a player offside by a step, another sees that they were onside as the pass was made. I saw it one way...you saw it another. Who's right? Who's wrong? The referees out there are not trying to throw the game. For the most part, they take the responsibility of their job and fair play very seriously. My daughter certainly does and every ref I have ever talked to does as well. Do they miss calls sometimes? Yes of course! Especially as they are learning and getting acclimated to their role as a ref. These experiences are how they get better! If each yearly crop quits after only a season...do you really expect the reffing to improve the next year as the new crop begins? A challenge to coaches... instead of flying off the handle and verbally attacking a young ref, next time use your position of authority as an adult to talk to the young child and discuss the call after the game and turn it into a teaching moment. Isn't that what you do to your young players?
Ok...my rant ends here. Enjoy your Sunday and if you have games today...good luck to your team and be nice to the refs! One of them might be my kid!
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Post by fan on Nov 2, 2014 10:16:50 GMT -5
The remark was directed at the referee. I hesitate to name the team because I don't know who said it and I don't want the entire group smeared. I will say it was a G U13 A game and my description should be enough for anyone on this forum (especially from that team) to figure out. I would love to hear that some action has been taken. If this is the club I think it is, a team from that club had the worst show of poor sportsmanship that I've seen against our team a few years back. It was not one of their current U13 teams. Thankfully, the girls involved apologized as did the coach. Hopefully they'll see themselves in your post and address this with the parent. |
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Post by soccerfan30 on Nov 2, 2014 11:57:31 GMT -5
It's sad to see threads like this is regards to coaches and parents behaving badly, it seems to have gotten worse over the years.
Coaches and teachers in addition to the parents have the biggest influence over the development of the child, I'm not talking about soccer development but more I'm regards to teaching life lessons/life skills that will stay with them outside the athletic arena and they have a role in behavior modification as to what and what is not acceptable. Many children don't have positive influences at home so the coach/teacher may end up being the driving force in being a positive influence for them.
I've seen great parents that conduct themselves accordingly away from the field but something happens when their child is playing a sport and they act in an inappropriate manner, maybe it's because they are "chasing the college carrot" or they derive their own sense of worth through the athletic accomplishments of their kids. Maybe their kid won't be the next Mia or Messi, but what about being a good person with strong character that makes a positive contribution to society, isn't that what most important?
I feel fortunate to have coached a great group of kids and young adults over the last 10 plus years, I can honest say none of my parents act in the manner described in the posts above, I think the coach sets the tenor of expectations/behaviors and the parents & players will follow suit, players will do whatever they are allowed to do, I expect my players to conduct themselves in a positive manner, they don't talk trash or make derogatory comments and play fair, they know if they ever cursed or said something inappropriate they wouldn't have to worry about the referee, I would bench them faster then they could blink, but fortunately that hasn't happened.
Coaches that curse at players or during the games are due to several reasons: immaturity, they can't articulate themselves and get their message across without profanity, or that's part of their everyday vernacular and can't filter themselves. I have coaches college, high school, club and I have never used a curse word at a players or referee, do I get upset sometimes yes we all do, but I don't use that language in my every day life so it doesn't come out in times of duress. Heck I feel guilty if I mumble "crap" under my breath after a bad play.
We all have to remember this is just a game, our value of a person isn't tied up in wins on losses. I have hundreds of trophies collecting dust and I don't remember how I won most of them but I do remember the life lessons my coaches instilled in me during my time in the sporting arena: self sacrifice, overcoming adversity, good work habits, being a good teammate, playing the right way, setting goals and expectations, dealing with failures, etc- all of these traits will serve you well way after the cleats are put away for good.
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Post by jack4343 on Nov 2, 2014 14:26:57 GMT -5
We all have to remember this is just a game, our value of a person isn't tied up in wins on losses. I have hundreds of trophies collecting dust and I don't remember how I won most of them but I do remember the life lessons my coaches instilled in me during my time in the sporting arena: self sacrifice, overcoming adversity, good work habits, being a good teammate, playing the right way, setting goals and expectations, dealing with failures, etc- all of these traits will serve you well way after the cleats are put away for good. Excellent post! You have summed up everything perfectly! We could use a few hundred more of your kind out there! |
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Post by soccergator on Nov 2, 2014 15:52:44 GMT -5
Played GSAs academy teams this weekend.
Couldn't believe the amount of coaching from the sideline. And there were 2 parents just literally walking up and down the sideline. At times they would stop and stand still in front of our parents and bark orders at their kids. I couldn't believe it. It was too cold for me to bother with the dudes. Just rude. Did I mention it was a u9 game!!!
I was surprised because it was a well coached team with multiple coaches on the sideline.
I will also say, we started without a ref and one of their coaches went to ref. no problems at all. Couldn't have been smoother.
Kids honestly called the out of bounds themselves.
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Post by spectator on Nov 2, 2014 17:43:42 GMT -5
Coaching from the sidelines is ridiculous. It part of that "parents are the consumers" mentality you see at the other forum. Let the coaches do their job and stop yelling at the players. We have the worst offender on our team this year and I've personally told him to shut up twice. Third time - I break out the duct tape and wrap it around his obnoxious head. He's not been at the last two games so maybe he got my point last time. LOL
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Post by kellymama on Nov 2, 2014 18:16:09 GMT -5
I used to bring lollipops and hand them out to loud parents. Once I did, other parents would ask for one as a proactive measure. It's hard to yell with a sucker in your mouth!
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Post by stevieg on Nov 2, 2014 18:28:53 GMT -5
I used to bring lollipops and hand them out to loud parents. Once I did, other parents would ask for one as a proactive measure. It's hard to yell with a sucker in your mouth! Our team manager at u9 used to do that. It's a great idea. |
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Post by spectator on Nov 2, 2014 19:18:45 GMT -5
I used to bring lollipops and hand them out to loud parents. Once I did, other parents would ask for one as a proactive measure. It's hard to yell with a sucker in your mouth! That'd work great on our obnoxious dad -only if I duct taped the sucker in his mouth! LOL Another thing I've noticed about sideline coaches - they know so much less about the game than they think they do. Yelling at every player to run to the ball is such a rec comment - you stay in position - watch where the opposing players are going then make the move - don't dive in, you get beat every time - then the same obnoxious pseudo coach gripes that the player isn't fast enough. Luckily most of the older players can tune the idiots out - but younger ones will constantly look over at the sidelines when they hear their parents yelling. Academy parents are the worst hands down - chill, folks - it's just a game and until you hit select, it doesn't even count!!! |
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Post by SoccerMom on Nov 3, 2014 8:35:25 GMT -5
I know there's a thread about obnoxious parents but this parent deserves special recognition. We had a game last weekend against a rival club...not our biggest rival but a game we take seriously. They were ahead 0-1 with maybe 5 minutes to go and we got a free kick off a handball. The ball hit the crossbar and bounced down into the box. One of their players handed the ball down (with both hands) and the linesman called it. After the ref called handball in the box and a PK, someone on the opposing team called out, 'Go back to Africa and take Ebola with you!'. Nice. Classy. I always have thought of this team and their parents as a fairly classy bunch but this was so grossly over the top that I, and others that also heard it, were appalled. No one on our team seems to know who said it, but someone on the other sideline knows. Hopefully they will deal with it. Thankfully, after this year we'll never play them again. I was at that game and never heard the comment. Only heard a parent from your team claiming it was said. No one except for this parent apparently heard it, so don't know what to really say? Identify who said it and it can be dealt with, otherwise Im starting to believe that someone just misheard something and is trying to turn it into something that isn't there. I have asked a lot of the parents from both teams and no one has heard it. |
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Post by SoccerMom on Nov 3, 2014 8:41:59 GMT -5
Played GSAs academy teams this weekend. Couldn't believe the amount of coaching from the sideline. And there were 2 parents just literally walking up and down the sideline. At times they would stop and stand still in front of our parents and bark orders at their kids. I couldn't believe it. It was too cold for me to bother with the dudes. Just rude. Did I mention it was a u9 game!!! I was surprised because it was a well coached team with multiple coaches on the sideline. I will also say, we started without a ref and one of their coaches went to ref. no problems at all. Couldn't have been smoother. Kids honestly called the out of bounds themselves. Funny you mention that about the ref with GSA! One of our u9 games with them, ref didn't show up either, one of the coaches ref 1/2 the game and then the club pulled an AR from another game to finish the game out. I thought it was an isolated incident, guess not |
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Post by spectator on Nov 3, 2014 10:21:36 GMT -5
There was a big shortage of referees all over this weekend. I think there was a big rec tournament that paid better than regular games
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Post by SoccerMom on Nov 3, 2014 10:24:27 GMT -5
There was a big shortage of referees all over this weekend. I think there was a big rec tournament that paid better than regular games this was a few weeks ago for us against GSA, it was the first time I have seen it happen |
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Post by soccergator on Nov 3, 2014 10:29:17 GMT -5
i'll be honest with you though, having a coach ref the center vs a real Ref made the game very calm. made it much more like a "friendly". no parents screaming etc. just calmness.
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Post by dreaddy on Nov 3, 2014 11:40:03 GMT -5
i'll be honest with you though, having a coach ref the center vs a real Ref made the game very calm. made it much more like a "friendly". no parents screaming etc. just calmness. Maybe we should stop assigning referees to Academy games! They are supposed to be "friendlies" anyway. |
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Post by soccergator on Nov 3, 2014 11:57:55 GMT -5
its amazing though, kids were having fun. parent's weren't obsessed with the result just how we were playing. seen it in other scrimmages. games are competitive kids play hard, but nobody cares about the score, its just watching good soccer.
i guess refs need training though, but i personally wouldn't mind it at all at u9. in tourneys i would want refs though.
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